SL0V4KJoin Date: 2010-07-24
Post Count: 5918 |
he was taking hits when he was writing this
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lol that was pretty good
the good thing for me is that my mom goes to sleep at like 8:00 every night so i can literally sneak out and sneak back in without her waking up if i need to
Iᴛ ᴀɪɴᴛ ᴇᴀsʏ, ʙᴇɪɴɢ Cʜᴇᴇsᴇʏ. |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
it's late and like i said my memory is pretty foggy of that whole night. now that i'm thinking about it i ended up going to an all-girl (except for me) sleepover at the same house a few months later for somebody's birthday. chick whose house it was has absolutely rockin' body (except that i'm pretty sure she cuts or used to cut) and at the time was hardcore into me. i did not know this at the time. i did not smash, and i am forever angry at myself for this. i will find the "sparkle in the sunlight" cringe because that's easily the most well-received story i've put up here and my best cringe story of all time and then call it a night. |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
REPOST
9th grade i got dumped by my middle school girlfriend, super broken up about it but i decided i was going to get back up to the plate and play the field
anyway i start getting some vibes from a couple chicks, one who is quickly building a rep as the sloot of the grade (completely changed in sophomore year, now going steady with a dude for a few years and counting) and a pretty normal/smart/cute girl in my history class
i decide that i'm going to go for history, little do i know that basically half the grade is gunning for this chick because she is smokin' and recently transferred, so she's got to "make friends" or whatnot
i'm also pretty new to the social media game, just following random ass people left and right who i eventually end up meeting and becoming friends with, but at this point i'm just running around with my head cut off probably making people go "who the hell? oh... yeah..." also have not cut my hair at this point or done anything to treat skin problems, i basically wore the same pair of jeans and a hoodie every day. in fact a dude called me out on this, which was a huge wake up call, but that's not the point.
a few months go by this chick decides to post a picture of her from homecoming, perfectly normal. plenty of people are commenting and the caption is something about how she is very pale. i decide im gonna slide in. what follows is probably the most embarassing thing i've ever done on social media or in interactions with a female.
me: "Are you whiter than Edward Cullen?"
her: "I might be..."
me: "Do you sparkle in the sunlight?"
...
...
...
all 3 comments deleted in a matter of ~5 mins, i was shut down like nobody's business and immediately regretted my decision. few months later i cut my hair and started dressing better. still have not ever confronted this chick about it but i doubt she remembers that this point, we're still friendly if we have a class together so thank god she curved me before i really screwed up. |
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one time i asked a girl out on facebook in 5th grade and she said no and i was so embarrassed that to this day i feel like she still remembers and thinks i'm weird as s***
Iᴛ ᴀɪɴᴛ ᴇᴀsʏ, ʙᴇɪɴɢ Cʜᴇᴇsᴇʏ. |
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i was rejected once in 6th grade lol |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
i didnt forget about this thread, day 2 starts whenever the homies are done with rocket league |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
alright we have concluded matches for the night.
i have not told the halloween story before, right? it also involves a house party. |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
postblocked. testing some words:
prude
street address
intoxicated
hookup
hook up
hooking up
uber
credit card
sober |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
bruh WTF i honestly have no clue how this is getting blocked then. gonna have to do it in parts to figure out where the issue is.
fresh junk, here it is. i have retold this story so many times i am not sure if i have told it in full here, so i apologize if it seems vaguely familiar. this is a story that lives in infamy among my friend group and made me a popular gossip topic for a lot of prude girls for a while.
this all went down within a matter of hours last halloween. allow me to set the stage once again. i may have mentioned in the past that my friends are pretty much stagnated in their prude-ness, so most parties they host are boring as hell. that is definitely in play here, to an extreme.
appearing in our cast of characters tonight are a whole lot of people, i will try to keep it to the bare essentials so as not to be too confusing.
the night began at a (male) friend's house. a dozen or so of us decided to be bananas, and one was dressed as a gorilla. the party we were going to was only a 15 minute walk, so we decided to just get dropped off at his house and run through the neighborhood screaming "MY PEEL!" while being chased by the dude dressed as a gorilla. got a few laughs, it was worth it. not important at all to the story, but now maybe you have a new f##ish to try out, eh?
we made it to the party around 9 (girl was hosting) and i knew before even accepting the invite that it was going to be absolutely dead. surprise, it was absolutely dead. i'm talking healthy cucumber snacks mixed in with various pizza rolls and cheese/cracker combos. the only alc this girl kept in her house was in the medicine cabinet and labeled isopropyl. |
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i didn't read any of these since the one about the lindsay dbag one so let me kick back and have some fun |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
-part 2-
we made it to the party around 9 (a prude girl was hosting) and i knew before even accepting the invite that it was going to be absolutely dead. surprise, it was absolutely dead. i'm talking healthy cucumber snacks mixed in with various pizza rolls and cheese/cracker combos. the only alc this girl kept in her house was in the medicine cabinet and labeled isopropyl.
we're about an hour into this thing and i've been texting back and forth a little bit with a girl from the next town over who is apparently getting lit at a rager. seeing as how the highlight of the night so far has been 30 minutes of taking pictures in the backyard, i am so game to get the hell out of here. this girl from the next town was about a half hour away and i had to be home by midnight. i did the math and i knew i had no time, but literally anything would have been better than this crap. i gave her the address and she said she'd get her friend to drive her over and scoop me. the night is looking up.
while this was all going down i began spreading the news that i was gonna bounce out of there to some of my dudes. one said he was definitely down to come with if they had room in the car, i told him i'd let him know when the time came. |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
-part 3-
it's 10:45 by the time this girl finally rolls up to the house and shoots me a text. i'm in the backyard with no view of the street, so i don't know which side she's coming from. i guessed wrong and once i got in front of the house i saw the car a few hundred feet down the street. no biggie. take a minute to walk down to the car aaaaand... nobody there except the driver and a passenger who was not the girl i was looking for. i recognized both of them as her friends, however, so i said hey and asked where my hookup was. visibly intoxicated, the passenger responded, "OHHHH she went into the party looking for you!!!" thought nothing of it at the time.
i turned around and saw the hookup running towards me with a couple other girls in tail. we greet each other quickly and no questions asked i'm in the car and we're driving off to the other party. at this point i think i should mention that this was a compact car and there were 5 seats maximum, so the girl i had been messing around with was sitting on my lap and we were getting into it a little bit. for this reason i had no idea what turns or streets the driver was taking, but it wasn't top of my priorities for obvious reasons. |
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"the host came with us, somewhat for security purposes, somewhat to get lit, doesnt matter. she was sketching hard as hell because her parents were home and there would be hell to pay if they found out she was doing illicit things (later her boyfriend emailed them a heartfelt letter about getting her to stop using because of a multitude of reasons but that's way too complicated and i'm getting sidetracked)."
i actually want an elaboration on this |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
getting blocked in this section.
testing some words:
uber
credit card |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
"i actually want an elaboration on this"
oh lord that's a whole other story... more weird s### that i never saw coming, i'll tell it at some point |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
-part 6-
eventually the conversation of the car turns to how much time it took for them to get over here, and i said, "yeah sorry about that, you're good to drive back though right?" driver immediately said, "naaaah, you're gonna have to ub3r it home." |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
LMAO I DONT KNOW WHY THIS WAS GETTING BLOCKED WHATSOEVER, IT'S TOTALLY CLEAN WTF
-part 7-
"wait what?"
"yeah i'm not dr.ivi.ng for 2 hou.rs tonight, just uber home."
"i don't even have an uber account... i don't even have a way to pay an uber..."
"that sucks." |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
-the rest of the story-
all of the girls in the car seemed to agree with her line of thinking. i felt like i was on a different planet and was now just starting to realize i had no f###ing clue where we were. told the driver to pull the car over so i could figure this out. the hookup got out with me, and as i pulled my phone out and looked down the car peels off and somebody shouts out the window, "OK HOOK UP WITH HIM QUICK WE'RE GONNA BE BACK IN 5 MINUTES!"
it's pretty late into the night at this point and i am still squeaky clean sober. meanwhile the girl i called out here has been going hard for the past 3 hours and is absolutely trashed. she's trying to get some, and i swear the biggest struggle of my life thus far was fighting the urge to go behind a random tree with her and just... not important.
my brain wouldn't let me think about hooking up right then because i still had no clue where i was and it didn't look like i was gonna be able to even go to the other party with the time i had left on my curfew. also, i wasn't about to go to jail for you know what if it turned out she didn't necessarily want to get it on in the middle of an empty lot between two peoples' houses. i tried looking at google maps but quickly realized that i didn't even know the street address of the first house because we had walked there, and i didn't know the street address of my male friend's house because my dad dropped me off. F###.
i told the hookup to call her friend and tell her to come get her. she said it would be a couple minutes so we did some stuff real quick on the sidewalk in the middle of this random neighborhood... weirdest place i've made out with a girl hands down. her breath tasted disgustingly like whatever she'd been drinking, but i powered through. eventually her ride pulled up, took her away, and i was left alone on the street. i picked a random direction and started walking. just me, a dude dressed as a banana on a pitch black street, wandering aimlessly. i eventually stumbled upon a road sign a few minutes later (roads in this neighborhood were unbelievably long with no branch-offs) and called my friend who said he was still at the party. (that was the climax of the story and it's downhill in action from here, but continue reading if you wish.)
told him the street i was on asked for directions on how to get back, without skipping a beat this dude just said, "I'm comin'." stayed on the line for a solid 10 minutes while he ran to whatever the hell street i was on and found me. as we were walking back i told him the story in great detail and to this day whenever he hears somebody ask me about what happened he always steps in, "hold on hold on let me tell it."
now i was absolutely livid about the BS that i'd just gone through and this girl was now lighting up my phone with "pls dont b mad at me :))" couldn't deal with that sh## so i turned it off. once we got back to the party the place looked like it was empty, i asked one of the girls sitting out back what happened to everybody.
"they're all in the basement playing freeze tag."
christ almighty, now you see what i was dealing with.
i later found out that for the brief moment at the beginning of the story when i was waiting at the car for the girl to show up, she and her two other friends had ran into the party through the back door. they proceeded to find the kitchen and stole all of the pizza rolls, which i'm guessing became munchies when they got back to their party. i'm told that became a trending topic at the prude girls lunch table for a solid 4 weeks after this all went down.
the rest of the night consisted of me retelling the events of what happened and i was eventually picked up at midnight to go home. whenever that night comes up for conversation, the reflection always turns to how the most interesting thing that happened was me leaving for an hour.
thank you. |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
tomorrow night i will elaborate on the girl getting sold out to her parents by her boyfriend story. granted i was not directly involved (well maybe a little) but i was pretty close to the action. |
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FIRECAKEJoin Date: 2009-02-28
Post Count: 25167 |
most of the cancer boys are not present and this forum is dead anyway minus like 5 or 6 of us, i'll elaborate on the boyfriend in a few |
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don't let kevinjiang get a hold of this fam |
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