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Are you choosing to use the "not explaining anything until it comes up in dialogue" structure like The Giver or what?
I do like where this is going... Yet I don't see why you and Olama would go on a trip just because it's a destroyed sleigh.
There are 1 or 2 holes but overall it seems exciting. |
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Why do you make it like you're inside ROBLOX.
It makes sense since we're on ROBLOX but I find it hard to immerse myself in a story like that
But good writing structure so far |
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Things that make the story inconsistent |
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AznIsBackJoin Date: 2006-07-23
Post Count: 19111 |
whoa everyone is here
we just missing a few people |
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iPortiaJoin Date: 2013-06-11
Post Count: 110 |
yay lets all play patty cake. |
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AznIsBackJoin Date: 2006-07-23
Post Count: 19111 |
Nice signature
—azn |
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I think there's holes because I don't see why you automatically want to go on a trip because of a broken sleigh. It couldn't even be Santa's, maybe it's some crazy guy's sleigh.
Although I know you said most MTVB explain a lot of things... But maybe, in this situation, it deserves it? |
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And I'm a guy by the way
—Matt |
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Ooh I'd like to see more ;D |
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g'job o3o.
also, i don't see jokes on these posts '-'. |
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zepher32Join Date: 2008-04-27
Post Count: 3135 |
preddy goob sur
A++-
٩◔‿◔۶ |
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AznIsBackJoin Date: 2006-07-23
Post Count: 19111 |
parade good man |
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timpookieJoin Date: 2011-08-18
Post Count: 21924 |
Add me.
Only three days left before the Bannanachair goes extinct! |
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