"being barack obama"
You accidentally press the nuke button.
Then Obamacare ends the world.
"teleportation"
You're in a restaurant and the food is just not going down well. You go to the restroom. All of the stalls are full. Dammit. You have seriously GOT to go.
In a fit of urgency, you, without thinking, teleport into bathroom stall of the opposite gender thinking that the bathroom there must surely be empty. It's taken, and you end of relieving yourself on the floor right in front of someone.
"the ability to (temporarily) freeze time"
Time, time. You have infinite time. Your time never ends. You make a habit of freezing time a little to often. You read things that you shouldn't, you spend too much time thinking. Now people don't even seem like people. They're just objects you can manipulate any way you want, that only come alive when you resume time. This makes you feel rather lonely. For years. What would be a year for other people ends up being 10 years for you. You go insane. You'll have plenty of time being insane.
"being able to control time itself."
Did the person above you already mention time? Well, he only gets freezing and unfreezing time. You get the whole package deal. The guy that freezes time is totes jealous of you.
[audience laffs] |