I really haven't been liking life as much as I should be. My motivation to do anything is killed, I'm pretty much treading though day in and day out. Life is good all around me but it's more so dealing with myself on why I haven't been enjoying it recently. To be up front, my personality is, I just don't like it. I'm too caring, nice, whatever. I feel like I'm just broken and not like the normal guy should be. I'm too emotional, I'm not a quote unquote "manly man". Like when my girl gets mad at me n stuff there's been times where I've just broken down and I don't get why.
Then things involving her past used to bother me sooo much until I've forced myself to stop caring about that, but it still bothers me in ways that I can't really explain.
I feel like I should be the typical d-bag almost any guy is, but I'm not. I'm this sappy, over emotional, over caring idiot who came out with some problem that my girl and her friends say is a "blessing" because I'm the opposite of most guys. But I just hate having my emotions torn up so much, and being so pathetic and weak.
It has bothered me recently, and I've hated myself along with life because of it.
If you read this then thanks for taking interest. I just felt like getting it out, I actually trust you guys with certain things. (Nothing too personal, but enough to open up some and vent about basic things) In a way you guys are a "second family" to me, I mean I spent a good chunk of my life on here after all. So in a way you guys hold some significance. I'm glad to have a forum like this to open up and vent when I need to. |