My first attempt at an actual Ro-Rap

Join Date: 2013-09-08
Post Count: 10933

#165174200Sunday, June 21, 2015 5:36 PM GMT

Okay. Less get it. Rip another beat I had to tear my paper in half Sippin on this KC tea you need to pay for a glass See I'm optimistic because to me it's half full Don't get it twisted homie you're acting quite dull Talkin like you wanna battle but don't mess with the bull Charge em with the horns I'm coming with a war Get a freakin army and I'll drop em all to the floor Dont be actin crazy when I come bangin on the door Drop another rhyme and I'll try to pick it up for you Better sit down like like a filled all the chairs with glue I rap in the kitchen so to make my verses sizzle Writing my name in stone runnin with a hammer and a chisle Morph into a cloud and rise to make it drizzle I can draw a picture of the wind with this magic diamond pen Throw you into a haystack and get skewered with the pin They say my rap is too evil and that speaking is a sin Grab a scalpel and then I'm makin blankets with your skin Spit a couple bars like you swallowed a whole prison YuGiOh on these newcomers when I activate my magic prism I'm so hot that the seasons always Summer So many people on this Earth you're just another number I keep my scheme simple like Legos Shout across the mountain so hear my Echo Get my crew movin through here like Let's Go Bout to go old school like retro Yall acting like Kings but I've never seen your crown 3-60 degrees yall gonna hate when I come around Rappin about the herb cause I just smoked a pound You think I'm absurd when I kick it in the town Dont try hatin cause I'll just tone you out Dont ask questions I'll tell you what it's about Yung got here just in time to Smoke you Out. This is my first actual attempt at a Rap, so don't criticize too harshly. Or do what you want. Whatever.

Thepopon8r

Join Date: 2011-08-17
Post Count: 4087

#165174511Sunday, June 21, 2015 5:40 PM GMT

you so fly you got arachnophobia

TaiskeUchimori

Join Date: 2011-06-29
Post Count: 261

#165174651Sunday, June 21, 2015 5:42 PM GMT

It seems to be made of end rhymes only, throw some rhymes in the middle, possibly reference lines. Other than that, its not horrible 6/10

YungSmoke

Join Date: 2013-09-08
Post Count: 10933

#165174760Sunday, June 21, 2015 5:43 PM GMT

Aiight I appreciate the feedback. I'm gonna take some time to make me a better scheme. Thanks man.

TheUnknownZodiac

Join Date: 2012-06-28
Post Count: 2809

#165176878Sunday, June 21, 2015 6:10 PM GMT

Agreed with taiske, also, nice to see you back in the forums (aimed at taiske)

UniversalDanger2

Join Date: 2015-01-27
Post Count: 431

#165187449Sunday, June 21, 2015 8:24 PM GMT

It's decent, good attempt though.

leRiddler

Join Date: 2013-08-07
Post Count: 8057

#165189601Sunday, June 21, 2015 8:49 PM GMT

{DevOran ; Song Critic} Hmm, well I see that you are only starting to rap, but it is good enough for a first time. Just don't say in your next one that its the second rap you've made cos nobody cares and they'll roast you. As some people before me have said, it only consists of end rhymes. Work on that. I'll give it a 6.5/10