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This is a long post. Sorry if I hurt you.
I am a ROBLOX YouTuber, but above all, I am a human being, and one of the biggest characteristics that what you'd describe as humanity is the possession of some form of creative expression and a natural longing of wanting to find ways to display it.
As my transition to college approaches in only a few days, I am faced with a dilemma; not so much of finding options how to be human the way I've been doing but rather why I would even bother. I am not a kid anymore, and arguably this site is home to many creators and their fans in the same age.
But why am I still drawn here? Why will I continue to be apparently until the end of time? If anyone at my new school discovers it, I'm sure they'll have a ton of questions that I won't be able to explain. Perhaps it will be easier that by some luck there are other machinima-makers there, but openly embracing my identity, without even touting it as some sort of career, is something that I am wary of happening and could possibly go on forever without doing so. Whether or not these factors combine to ultimately make me lose complete interest in ROBLOX and put an end to my YouTube career is uncertain.
Winning the PixelFlame Collab, though, recently made me encouraged to keep striving to produce ROBLOX machinimas. They are all ambitious projects - I've had an idea for a five-part animated series of music videos from my favorite band tied into the world of Apocalypse Rising. Then there are four other separate projects that involve events keyed to song pieces, including one Broadway musical, and my concept of a BLOXY entry that I failed to produce in time for summer thinking I had missed my chance but could be redeemed for the awards this winter. Even attempting to manage doing so is a long shot, and the thought of not bringing these works to life is something that's eating me up inside. Still, I am only one man with a life to pursue.
I'm Friends on Facebook with my former high school English teacher who runs a local Wiffleball league, and one of his students who graduated years ago was lent the field on occasion this summer to oversee a Western movie centered around the sport. He recently liked one of the director's statuses about looking for extra parts, and I decided to contact him to chip in.
My teacher had shown off his role in the first video that the producer made last year. He took a break after an exam one day and showed the other students and I the three-minute short with mediocre acting by the teacher's son and his collegiate friend and a script mirroring the movie Fight Club. I could tell that the twenty-seven other of my peers sitting in our desks that fall day were unimpressed, but silently I admired it. There's a part of me that loves the homemade low budget, low effort, small town crack performances that still somehow make me entertained. Their YouTube channel has almost no dedicated fans besides some family members most likely, and yet the director was plugging along and heralding his search for extras online so excitedly that someone else could probably wonder why he was even trying. I guess I was rooting for him for that.
A few days ago I drove to their humble set at the park just as the director, playing one of the main characters, gets flying tackled. The three other offscreen actors, one of their girlfriends, a kid with his father who were curious all laughed. I came strolling up and the director dusted off his clothes and took a binder off a bench and showed me three lines from an upcoming scene. Within thirty minutes I had my mediocre acting recorded as well for a tiny little spoof video that might not even break a thousand views by the end of the year when the production schedule says it should come out in October, but still, I was inexplicably excited and intrigued to be a part of it. I stuck around and watched them do three other scenes, another of which they pulled me in again to be another extra with my shirt inside-out. I spent the entire afternoon participating in their outtakes, their improvisations and their successful takes. I exchanged numbers with the director and his cameraman and they "awww"ed when I said I couldn't come by next week to film again because I was moving away. I had made friends with two other fellow producers without even letting them know I was the same, but I was standing aside with the one kid who was watching at one point and we had a conversation that struck me as a moment I'll remember for a long time.
The boy told me he didn't want to go to sixth grade, or be on YouTube for that matter, so he was staying out of all of their shots.
"Being on YouTube isn't so bad," I told him. "I'm pretty popular on it and it's a lot of fun."
He gasped. "Are YOU everything is mack-ab-bree?" he says so suddenly, and I take a moment to figure out what he mispronounced and I spin around and look at him and he's equally surprised like I'm going to hurt him for some reason, and then the surprise sort of slowed down and built up again as I realized this was the first time that anyone ever recognized me and attached an occupation to my name and I was petrified with what he might be thinking since his chubby face was all motionless because kids don't make their emotions really apparent.
"...That's right?" I finally said.
And he just widens his eyes and blinks. "That's freaky."
"Yeah, I guess so." I turned away and there was a long awkward pause, and then I ask "How'd you know it was me?"
"You just sound the same."
"That would probably do it," and I laugh.
And then nothing else was said about it. For some reason there was somebody in this world who was right there that knew who I was, and there was nothing to answer about. I didn't know how much of a fan he was, or if he thought then that I was a weirdo because the admittance that there was only one person creating videos the whole time was made. I didn't even get his ROBLOX username.
But that afternoon I learned something. I still have a passion for producing media - even outside of the literature work I do now, regardless of how strange the medium becomes. I've imagined all of these fantastic scenarios for projects like I've mentioned, ones with too much quality for a sole individual to handle but deserve to be attempted anyway.
The only thing that still frightens me though is the thought of becoming widely recognized, and I don't necessarily mean that in an antisocial sort of way.
Part of the fun that made me start making ROBLOX videos was how unrestricted I was. I came up with my own schedule and made my own material. I shared my silly moments with a few several hundred people and while the videos were not outstanding in quality, they entertained both sides. When I tried new things and pushed an envelope, I found it difficult to take steps backwards. Committing to make large-scale animations instead of gameplay videos is a huge switch, in my opinion, and they are equally satisfying to create, but the former demands a sort of definiteness that is hard to stick to. I WANT to make my projects a full-blown, magnificent reality. People WANT to see them, and more will keep wanting more.
My problem is encountering a resistance to that productiveness: getting too old to spend time making them, and getting too popular to have my own pace and being pressured to provide from childish fans. People have already worried me by claiming I've met some sort of horrible fate in the past with my inactivity, and I've worried them back by caving under the assumption that I really am not dedicated enough to do this anymore and wanting to pull out the rug altogether. It has been impossible to find a balance.
Yet, I am a human, and as long as I am not a robot I will be an individual who needs to show the world something. I just wish that it could be contained in its own little secret; something like a wiffleball film spoof that's a stroke of genius to the people who wish to find it and not on an open platform where everybody sees. It's not that I'm avoiding naysayers, but rather I want everything I produce to be special to somebody. It was people like that kid I met who I want to leave enough of an impact to be remembered just long enough.
I've been rambling for a while and I don't want to confuse you or try to get this set up to deliver some dramatic news. These are just personal thoughts that I want to share because I hope that I'm not alone in some regards on why I think the way I do. Perhaps I can encourage a reason for someone to keep being inspired in the way I enjoy and want to continue doing.
-Macabre |
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keeltoll3456Top 100 PosterJoin Date: 2009-01-13
Post Count: 57070 |
*CUHRASHES IN2 WORDWALL* LOL!!!!! |
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FaaveJoin Date: 2007-04-18
Post Count: 7167 |
well you used to make forum simulators and that gave me an unfair bias against you, which was rightly earned. but your newer stuff ain't bad, keep up the good work.
yeah i'm fave |
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EltonETMJoin Date: 2013-11-29
Post Count: 2044 |
^ this post
randomaccess |
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this kid (arrow facing north) |
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EltonETMJoin Date: 2013-11-29
Post Count: 2044 |
^ this post
randomaccess |
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soild101Join Date: 2012-08-01
Post Count: 3196 |
when you don't have a "tl;dr"
you wasted your time |
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Am4uryXpJoin Date: 2011-09-04
Post Count: 20550 |
It would be cool if I was in your videos once again,
Nice story though, I read it all and I have the same thoughts.
I continue working on my videos and games because it's entertaining for both me and the people who play/watch them.
The feeling of seeing other people commenting things like ''Great video'' or ''Nice game'' is what keeps me working for new content.
Even though I don't have too much time because I'm always busy, I try to leave like a day or two for working on videos and stuff, because well I'm a student also and getting to school until next weekend is a very scary task, since I won't have as much time as people think.
10/10 would read again |
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word wollz i didnt even attemt to read this word wall i think word walls are hard to read
I am a ROBLOX YouTuber, but above all, I am a human being, and one of the biggest characteristics that what you'd describe as humanity is the possession of some form of creative expression and a natural longing of wanting to find ways to display it.
As my transition to college approaches in only a few days, I am faced with a dilemma; not so much of finding options how to be human the way I've been doing but rather why I would even bother. I am not a kid anymore, and arguably this site is home to many creators and their fans in the same age.
But why am I still drawn here? Why will I continue to be apparently until the end of time? If anyone at my new school discovers it, I'm sure they'll have a ton of questions that I won't be able to explain. Perhaps it will be easier that by some luck there are other machinima-makers there, but openly embracing my identity, without even touting it as some sort of career, is something that I am wary of happening and could possibly go on forever without doing so. Whether or not these factors combine to ultimately make me lose complete interest in ROBLOX and put an end to my YouTube career is uncertain.
Winning the PixelFlame Collab, though, recently made me encouraged to keep striving to produce ROBLOX machinimas. They are all ambitious projects - I've had an idea for a five-part animated series of music videos from my favorite band tied into the world of Apocalypse Rising. Then there are four other separate projects that involve events keyed to song pieces, including one Broadway musical, and my concept of a BLOXY entry that I failed to produce in time for summer thinking I had missed my chance but could be redeemed for the awards this winter. Even attempting to manage doing so is a long shot, and the thought of not bringing these works to life is something that's eating me up inside. Still, I am only one man with a life to pursue.
I'm Friends on Facebook with my former high school English teacher who runs a local Wiffleball league, and one of his students who graduated years ago was lent the field on occasion this summer to oversee a Western movie centered around the sport. He recently liked one of the director's statuses about looking for extra parts, and I decided to contact him to chip in.
My teacher had shown off his role in the first video that the producer made last year. He took a break after an exam one day and showed the other students and I the three-minute short with mediocre acting by the teacher's son and his collegiate friend and a script mirroring the movie Fight Club. I could tell that the twenty-seven other of my peers sitting in our desks that fall day were unimpressed, but silently I admired it. There's a part of me that loves the homemade low budget, low effort, small town crack performances that still somehow make me entertained. Their YouTube channel has almost no dedicated fans besides some family members most likely, and yet the director was plugging along and heralding his search for extras online so excitedly that someone else could probably wonder why he was even trying. I guess I was rooting for him for that.
A few days ago I drove to their humble set at the park just as the director, playing one of the main characters, gets flying tackled. The three other offscreen actors, one of their girlfriends, a kid with his father who were curious all laughed. I came strolling up and the director dusted off his clothes and took a binder off a bench and showed me three lines from an upcoming scene. Within thirty minutes I had my mediocre acting recorded as well for a tiny little spoof video that might not even break a thousand views by the end of the year when the production schedule says it should come out in October, but still, I was inexplicably excited and intrigued to be a part of it. I stuck around and watched them do three other scenes, another of which they pulled me in again to be another extra with my shirt inside-out. I spent the entire afternoon participating in their outtakes, their improvisations and their successful takes. I exchanged numbers with the director and his cameraman and they "awww"ed when I said I couldn't come by next week to film again because I was moving away. I had made friends with two other fellow producers without even letting them know I was the same, but I was standing aside with the one kid who was watching at one point and we had a conversation that struck me as a moment I'll remember for a long time.
The boy told me he didn't want to go to sixth grade, or be on YouTube for that matter, so he was staying out of all of their shots.
"Being on YouTube isn't so bad," I told him. "I'm pretty popular on it and it's a lot of fun."
He gasped. "Are YOU everything is mack-ab-bree?" he says so suddenly, and I take a moment to figure out what he mispronounced and I spin around and look at him and he's equally surprised like I'm going to hurt him for some reason, and then the surprise sort of slowed down and built up again as I realized this was the first time that anyone ever recognized me and attached an occupation to my name and I was petrified with what he might be thinking since his chubby face was all motionless because kids don't make their emotions really apparent.
"...That's right?" I finally said.
And he just widens his eyes and blinks. "That's freaky."
"Yeah, I guess so." I turned away and there was a long awkward pause, and then I ask "How'd you know it was me?"
"You just sound the same."
"That would probably do it," and I laugh.
And then nothing else was said about it. For some reason there was somebody in this world who was right there that knew who I was, and there was nothing to answer about. I didn't know how much of a fan he was, or if he thought then that I was a weirdo because the admittance that there was only one person creating videos the whole time was made. I didn't even get his ROBLOX username.
But that afternoon I learned something. I still have a passion for producing media - even outside of the literature work I do now, regardless of how strange the medium becomes. I've imagined all of these fantastic scenarios for projects like I've mentioned, ones with too much quality for a sole individual to handle but deserve to be attempted anyway.
The only thing that still frightens me though is the thought of becoming widely recognized, and I don't necessarily mean that in an antisocial sort of way.
Part of the fun that made me start making ROBLOX videos was how unrestricted I was. I came up with my own schedule and made my own material. I shared my silly moments with a few several hundred people and while the videos were not outstanding in quality, they entertained both sides. When I tried new things and pushed an envelope, I found it difficult to take steps backwards. Committing to make large-scale animations instead of gameplay videos is a huge switch, in my opinion, and they are equally satisfying to create, but the former demands a sort of definiteness that is hard to stick to. I WANT to make my projects a full-blown, magnificent reality. People WANT to see them, and more will keep wanting more.
My problem is encountering a resistance to that productiveness: getting too old to spend time making them, and getting too popular to have my own pace and being pressured to provide from childish fans. People have already worried me by claiming I've met some sort of horrible fate in the past with my inactivity, and I've worried them back by caving under the assumption that I really am not dedicated enough to do this anymore and wanting to pull out the rug altogether. It has been impossible to find a balance.
Yet, I am a human, and as long as I am not a robot I will be an individual who needs to show the world something. I just wish that it could be contained in its own little secret; something like a wiffleball film spoof that's a stroke of genius to the people who wish to find it and not on an open platform where everybody sees. It's not that I'm avoiding naysayers, but rather I want everything I produce to be special to somebody. It was people like that kid I met who I want to leave enough of an impact to be remembered just long enough.
I've been rambling for a while and I don't want to confuse you or try to get this set up to deliver some dramatic news. These are just personal thoughts that I want to share because I hope that I'm not alone in some regards on why I think the way I do. Perhaps I can encourage a reason for someone to keep being inspired in the way I enjoy and want to continue doing.
-EBloxerz49 |
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what i meant to say was
I am not ROBLOX YouTuber, but above all, I am a human being, and one of the biggest characteristics that what you'd describe as humanity is the possession of some form of creative expression and a natural longing of wanting to find ways to display it.
As my transition to college approaches in only a few days, I am faced with a dilemma; not so much of finding options how to be human the way I've been doing but rather why I would even bother. I am not a kid anymore, and arguably this site is home to many creators and their fans in the same age.
But why am I still drawn here? Why will I continue to be apparently until the end of time? If anyone at my new school discovers it, I'm sure they'll have a ton of questions that I won't be able to explain. Perhaps it will be easier that by some luck there are other machinima-makers there, but openly embracing my identity, without even touting it as some sort of career, is something that I am wary of happening and could possibly go on forever without doing so. Whether or not these factors combine to ultimately make me lose complete interest in ROBLOX and put an end to my YouTube career is uncertain.
Winning the PixelFlame Collab, though, recently made me encouraged to keep striving to produce ROBLOX machinimas. They are all ambitious projects - I've had an idea for a five-part animated series of music videos from my favorite band tied into the world of Apocalypse Rising. Then there are four other separate projects that involve events keyed to song pieces, including one Broadway musical, and my concept of a BLOXY entry that I failed to produce in time for summer thinking I had missed my chance but could be redeemed for the awards this winter. Even attempting to manage doing so is a long shot, and the thought of not bringing these works to life is something that's eating me up inside. Still, I am only one man with a life to pursue.
I'm Friends on Facebook with my former high school English teacher who runs a local Wiffleball league, and one of his students who graduated years ago was lent the field on occasion this summer to oversee a Western movie centered around the sport. He recently liked one of the director's statuses about looking for extra parts, and I decided to contact him to chip in.
My teacher had shown off his role in the first video that the producer made last year. He took a break after an exam one day and showed the other students and I the three-minute short with mediocre acting by the teacher's son and his collegiate friend and a script mirroring the movie Fight Club. I could tell that the twenty-seven other of my peers sitting in our desks that fall day were unimpressed, but silently I admired it. There's a part of me that loves the homemade low budget, low effort, small town crack performances that still somehow make me entertained. Their YouTube channel has almost no dedicated fans besides some family members most likely, and yet the director was plugging along and heralding his search for extras online so excitedly that someone else could probably wonder why he was even trying. I guess I was rooting for him for that.
A few days ago I drove to their humble set at the park just as the director, playing one of the main characters, gets flying tackled. The three other offscreen actors, one of their girlfriends, a kid with his father who were curious all laughed. I came strolling up and the director dusted off his clothes and took a binder off a bench and showed me three lines from an upcoming scene. Within thirty minutes I had my mediocre acting recorded as well for a tiny little spoof video that might not even break a thousand views by the end of the year when the production schedule says it should come out in October, but still, I was inexplicably excited and intrigued to be a part of it. I stuck around and watched them do three other scenes, another of which they pulled me in again to be another extra with my shirt inside-out. I spent the entire afternoon participating in their outtakes, their improvisations and their successful takes. I exchanged numbers with the director and his cameraman and they "awww"ed when I said I couldn't come by next week to film again because I was moving away. I had made friends with two other fellow producers without even letting them know I was the same, but I was standing aside with the one kid who was watching at one point and we had a conversation that struck me as a moment I'll remember for a long time.
The boy told me he didn't want to go to sixth grade, or be on YouTube for that matter, so he was staying out of all of their shots.
"Being on YouTube isn't so bad," I told him. "I'm pretty popular on it and it's a lot of fun."
He gasped. "Are YOU everything is mack-ab-bree?" he says so suddenly, and I take a moment to figure out what he mispronounced and I spin around and look at him and he's equally surprised like I'm going to hurt him for some reason, and then the surprise sort of slowed down and built up again as I realized this was the first time that anyone ever recognized me and attached an occupation to my name and I was petrified with what he might be thinking since his chubby face was all motionless because kids don't make their emotions really apparent.
"...That's right?" I finally said.
And he just widens his eyes and blinks. "That's freaky."
"Yeah, I guess so." I turned away and there was a long awkward pause, and then I ask "How'd you know it was me?"
"You just sound the same."
"That would probably do it," and I laugh.
And then nothing else was said about it. For some reason there was somebody in this world who was right there that knew who I was, and there was nothing to answer about. I didn't know how much of a fan he was, or if he thought then that I was a weirdo because the admittance that there was only one person creating videos the whole time was made. I didn't even get his ROBLOX username.
But that afternoon I learned something. I still have a passion for producing media - even outside of the literature work I do now, regardless of how strange the medium becomes. I've imagined all of these fantastic scenarios for projects like I've mentioned, ones with too much quality for a sole individual to handle but deserve to be attempted anyway.
The only thing that still frightens me though is the thought of becoming widely recognized, and I don't necessarily mean that in an antisocial sort of way.
Part of the fun that made me start making ROBLOX videos was how unrestricted I was. I came up with my own schedule and made my own material. I shared my silly moments with a few several hundred people and while the videos were not outstanding in quality, they entertained both sides. When I tried new things and pushed an envelope, I found it difficult to take steps backwards. Committing to make large-scale animations instead of gameplay videos is a huge switch, in my opinion, and they are equally satisfying to create, but the former demands a sort of definiteness that is hard to stick to. I WANT to make my projects a full-blown, magnificent reality. People WANT to see them, and more will keep wanting more.
My problem is encountering a resistance to that productiveness: getting too old to spend time making them, and getting too popular to have my own pace and being pressured to provide from childish fans. People have already worried me by claiming I've met some sort of horrible fate in the past with my inactivity, and I've worried them back by caving under the assumption that I really am not dedicated enough to do this anymore and wanting to pull out the rug altogether. It has been impossible to find a balance.
Yet, I am a human, and as long as I am not a robot I will be an individual who needs to show the world something. I just wish that it could be contained in its own little secret; something like a wiffleball film spoof that's a stroke of genius to the people who wish to find it and not on an open platform where everybody sees. It's not that I'm avoiding naysayers, but rather I want everything I produce to be special to somebody. It was people like that kid I met who I want to leave enough of an impact to be remembered just long enough.
I've been rambling for a while and I don't want to confuse you or try to get this set up to deliver some dramatic news. These are just personal thoughts that I want to share because I hope that I'm not alone in some regards on why I think the way I do. Perhaps I can encourage a reason for someone to keep being inspired in the way I enjoy and want to continue doing.
-EBloxerz49 |
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jesus christ this thread is longer than that melanie thread and that thing had like 15 pages
This forum post was sent by my amazing laptop |
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redthankJoin Date: 2012-11-24
Post Count: 5710 |
Unlike other channels most of your videos made me laugh. And you don't even have a 100 ;) |
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R U A YOU TUBAR???!@?!?!? |
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CrifoJoin Date: 2011-07-15
Post Count: 1724 |
shrek |
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PhireFoxJoin Date: 2012-05-31
Post Count: 7839 |
A wonderful thread. Tracked it for future reading. |
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*RIP Raulixitsfree*
*We was reading a forum*
*2006 - 2015 dont ask* |
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AxurdieJoin Date: 2014-12-22
Post Count: 56 |
How the hell, am I going to read this..
-Im living in my terrible chair and laughing.. ╍●‿●╍ |
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MaaxonJoin Date: 2012-06-15
Post Count: 6457 |
╍●‿●╍ ╍●‿●╍ ╍●‿●╍ ╍●‿●╍ ╍●‿●╍ FuzzleBuns is watching... |
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were you on drugs when you made the pixelflame collab
GENESIS DOES WHAT NINTENDON'T! |
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no that was me
VOTE THIS FOR "Best ROBLOX Action Video" OR "Video of the Year" ON THE BLOXYS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXkwhSkIBWE&ab_channel=DreamDaggerStudios |
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spacegangJoin Date: 2011-07-03
Post Count: 3863 |
oh wait this is vcr |
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SicpleJoin Date: 2015-09-28
Post Count: 275 |
This is impossible to read! |
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