Chapter II, Spouses and Children:
If you're preparing to be in a committed relationship with a Vampire, there are a few things you should probably be aware of.
1. Vampires can often get very attached in serious relationships, so keep in mind that if you lose them, it's really game over!
2. Vampires have delicate feelings, and aren't just mindless killing machines, it's your job to remind your spouse of that!
3. Vampires can be extremely stubborn, and lazy, so don't expect them to clean the dishes for you, chum! That's your job now, special snowflake!
4. Having kids with a Vampire may create abominations from hell itself. It's good to be aware of that!
-----------------Children-----------------------------------------------------------------
Boy, now things are getting serious! Planning on settling down, and creating a family with a Vampire? Well, these are some must know facts about vampire children!
1. When your spouse is carrying a baby, they may become extremely moody, and might try to bite your neck, and rip your flesh apart! So make sure to keep them happy! Vampires get stressed out WAYYYY too easily!
2. Once you have a child, you might notice something a bit odd about them. That's because they're half human, half vampire, chum! Congratulations! You just made a hybrid creature! You truly are a special snowflake!
3. Your child may be teased for their looks, as they look kind of like the spawn of Satan! But that's okay, you just need to show your child that YOU care about them before the bloodrage ensues!
4. Vampire children when bullied can become so mad that they can screech like a banshee, and deafen other kids!
5. Vampire children have a stage in their life called the bloodrage, where they attempt to go on a feeding spree! They'll try to feed on any animals they see, luckily for you you special snowflake, this only lasts one night! Hopefully you'll endure!
And that's the guide to Vampires and the like! On my next guide, we'll talk about specters, and what you need to know about them! |