AccedoJoin Date: 2011-03-11
Post Count: 1793 |
Essentially with that prompt I can write a story about literally anything because I created it.
r+://124397020 |
|
|
No. You have to write /about/ creating something. |
|
|
Well, better get to work. Not the best prompt I wanted, which means that A) this will be complete sht, or B) the story will probably be about something other than ehat I want slash need to write. |
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
|
|
|
|
Before I grade this, I have a question for Blob: How much profanity can we have in our story? And profanity in our grading sheet if we want to emphasize something?
GRADING SHEET:
ROUND: 2(?)
AUTHOR: PickledKittens
TITLE: Space
Intrigue/Creativity: 9/15
Grammar: 7/10
Related to the prompt: 0/2 (If for Round 1, 1/2)
Tie-in: 0/3 (If for Round 1, 1/3)
Bonus: 0/0
Comments: Let me just start out my review with one thing: This story really has its flaws. Not to be a jerk, but I felt that this story was a bit too vague and uncreative. For example, how would the neighbors know the two kids were in their yard when Mag is a "perfect crook"? Was the narrator just a petty thief, and gave away their position? If so, then why not have Mag be the only one to go? Why not have her take two trips if they really need the extra supplies? And worst of all: WHY the [CENSORED] would you even steal herbs from your neighbors when you could just ask them and explain your situation? Was it because they were jerks and snobs? I feel like I can go on and on with this, but I'm not going to. Nah.
The "good wasn't grammars", either. Instances like "The first time(,) I told myself" and "But, it wasn't meant to be" hinders the story. Not story-breaking, but still not very good in my opinion. Your comma usage is extremely off, to say the least. I feel like you mix up independent clauses with compound subjects and the like, but that's just my opinion.
Relation to the prompt was thrown out the window ALTOGETHER, albeit I think that you were trying to make this for Round 1. However, even if this is for Round 1, your "tie-in" was a bit lacking- a girl stealing [CENSORED] from her neighbors with her brother(?- that was quite vague too) obviously has a "fatal flaw"- thievery- but what about the God-[CENSORED] boy? He just tags along doing not much but essentially standing around. Not a good tie-in whatsoever, especially if you can't get the protagonist, in my opinion.
Overall, I feel like this story could use a lot of work, but it's not too bad. The main "fatal flaw" of the story is its lack of creativity, really, and grammar. It doesn't help that your timing in terms of posting within the Prompt time limit is off, as that's basically an easy five points off; even IF this was posted for Round 1, however, I think it's still relatively irrelevant, making it a weak story overall. Not half-[CENSORED], but it could use work nevertheless.
P.S. If you meant for that post to be for Round one, you should really LOOK at the newer pages to see what Round the Contest is on currently and if there's a brand-new prompt. Just a little tip.
Total: 16/30 (18/30 if for Round 1) |
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
faction grade mine too
<3 |
|
|
¡Un momento!
I'm on my phone AND juggling the Clash ISRPs at the same time! |
|
PruzJoin Date: 2009-11-11
Post Count: 31781 |
Uno*
a... En un momento. |
|
|
You know what, Pruz? I'm only a junior high student soon to graduate, so cut me some slack!
GRADING SHEET:
ROUND: 2
AUTHOR: Z0rrow
TITLE: Peace Forever
Intrigue/Creativity: 15/15
Grammar: 10/10
Related to the prompt: 2/2
Tie-in: 3/3
Bonus: /0
Comments: God [CENSORED], Z0rrow. How you manage to think up and make these incredible posts just escapes me. But then again, you've been in the RPF for- from what I can piece together- a heck of a long time. The way you pull this off is simply flawless.
Intrigue? When I first skimmed through this story, I said to myself, "Oh, [CENSORED], I'm going to have to read through a word wall," but of course I was taken back by this. The dialogue caught my attention from the get-go, and the way you show the Doctor/narrator and his feelings, thoughts, et cetera, all of it kept me hooked through the story. The creativity? This story seemed reminiscent of World War II, the invention of the nuke, and the war against Japan. It seemed like I was actually LIVING the history out, not just reading it.
Grammar-wise? My God, it's simply flawless. Do you use AutoCorrect or something? Or is it just magic? Teach me the way of the "Grammars Force", pl0x!
Relations to the prompt and Tie-Ins? If you can't find this, you are completely stupid. The "creation" of a new destructive weapon, and the way you tie it in is so obvious and clear-cut, there's no doubt you get full points on this.
At this point, I think I shall stop ranting to give you your entire 30 points. Jesus, I think this is gonna blow what I was thinking of makign away, and I proooobably should drop out at this point. Then again, I WAS here more for the "lulz" and to make backstories for my crossover characters than be perfect- as shown by my first promt- so I'll stay more to grade and make stories. The points are just a side bonus to me, the "backstories" I make based off of this is more important than the grade, albeit I will say right now that all my posts- including the previous one- shall be garbage.
...
...Oh, dear. I may have moved on to ranting about my own posts. I gotta stop commenting now, and give you your actual grade:
Total: 30/30
P.S. I am so [CENSORED] stupid. I think I DO realize what this story is of- Robert Oppenheimer, the 'inventor' of the nuke, having doubts over his project. The desert, the "islands", the "nuclear fire", it all hints at this. WHAT AN IDIOT I am! |
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
hey thanks faction
i feel nice
my grammar is magic and the magic was taught to me by my AP english teacher |
|
|
@FactionGuerrilla
Thanks for the feedback. I was best in class for Language Arts this year, so I decided to give writing a shot. I really do appreciate you for being honest.
Thanks. |
|
PruzJoin Date: 2009-11-11
Post Count: 31781 |
I don't understand.
Don't you need a year of learning a second language to graduate? |
|
AccedoJoin Date: 2011-03-11
Post Count: 1793 |
2 credits.
r+://124397020 |
|
AccedoJoin Date: 2011-03-11
Post Count: 1793 |
Grading Sheet(s):
Round: 2
Author: Z0rr0w
Title: Peace Forever
Intrigue/Creativity: 14/15
Grammar: 10/10
Related to the prompt: 2/2
Tie-in: 3/3
Bonus: /0
Comments:
I only took one point off because since it was based off of real characters and real events, it wasn't AS creative as it could have been. You also used a famous quote many people know, rather than creating your own.
Also, it didn't really intrigue me as much, but that's just me. Due to the biased reasoning behind it, no points were taken off for that.
It was a good story nonetheless.
Total: 29/30
--[[
Round: 2
Author: Pickledkittens
Title: Space
Intrigue/Creativity: 9/15
Grammar: 6/10
Related to the prompt: 0/2
Tie-in: 1/3
Bonus: /0
Comments:
You wrote a story about a dying mother, and her kids.
Her kids went out to save their mother at all costs.
It's a fairly generic idea overall.
I didn't understand what was going on until the end of the story.
You didn't explain how Mag managed to break of of jail.
You never said the police actually got to them, the kids just (to me) magically teleported to a prison cell.
--[[
Your grammar wasn't HORRIBLE, as in I could at least read it, but I picked up on many inconsistencies and misspellings.
--[[
What on earth did they create? Trouble?
It wasn't clear at all.
--[[
The story was understandable after a bit of studying, so it DID tie in, but it made absolutely no sense for the most part.
Total: 16/30
]]--
|
|
|
Grading sheets.
ROUND: 2
AUTHOR: Z0rr0w
TITLE: Peace Forever.
Intrigue/Creativity: 15/15
Grammar: 10/10
Related to the prompt: 2/2
Tie-in: 3/3
Bonus: 1/0
Comments: I love this. Bonus point for making it about something that actually happened and making it into a creative story in a way that really works. Writing with real events that are widely known can be tricky to pull off and to still be intriguing and be its own thing, but the way you wrote it, you only hinted at it more and more until at the very end when it becomes obvious enough for even the dense like me to realize. I know I'm being slightly redundant, but I really like how you incorporated history into this.
Total: 31/30
ROUND: 2
AUTHOR: pickledkittens
TITLE: Space
Intrigue/Creativity: 13/15
Grammar: 5/10
Related to the prompt: 0/2
Tie-in: 0/3
Bonus: /0
Comments: I don't see any relation to either of the prompts, really. So, zeros on that. Your grammar, meanwhile, was definitely less than optimal. "Me and Mag" should have been "Mag and I" and the sentence "The cell (...)" really should have started a new paragraph since it was a transition. These are only two examples of many mistakes you made. I could go throughout your entire story, if you want, nitpicking every last detail, but I don't think you would like that, and frankly, I wouldn't, either.
Your story was pretty interesting, ignoring the grammatical errors. It was a bit easy to predict once it got going, though, so, no perfect score for you.
All of that said, it looks like you're a beginner, and for a beginner, that was alright. Pretty average. Alright. I'm sure you'll get better with practice more. Also, looking at responses on the thread... I see you're already doing well with that part. Congratulations- I don't see that often.
Total: 18/30 |
|
|
How much profanity can we have in our story? And profanity in our grading sheet if we want to emphasize something?
If you can filterpass it, you can post it.
Just try not to be TOO rude, if you'd please.
I also wouldn't suggest ever using the F-word, seeing as that can get your entire post deleted.
But that's probably common sense as it is. |
|
AccedoJoin Date: 2011-03-11
Post Count: 1793 |
|
|
AccedoJoin Date: 2011-03-11
Post Count: 1793 |
I found a few mistakes I'd like to fix in the above story before anyone grades that.
-->
https://forum.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=189938696
Grade that one instead, if you would.
|
|
|
GRADING SHEET:
ROUND: 2
AUTHOR: Accedo
TITLE: Writer's Block.
Intrigue/Creativity: 7/15
Grammar: 10/10
Related to the prompt: 2/2
Tie-in: 2/3
Bonus: 1/0
Comments: I must say, although it is usually satisfying for one's expectations to be fulfilled, this case was moreso apprehension. The subject of the story is quite cliché- "Wow, a story about writing stories because the prompt was about creation. THAT'S original." You could have redeemed yourself with a good execution, but you did neither. The story overall went from overly predictable to just plain lazy. It was obvious you couldn't think of something legitimate to write about or even write creatively about an unoriginal idea. All in all... this story sucks.
But plus one for the slight effort you put in.
Slight.
Total: 22/30 |
|
AccedoJoin Date: 2011-03-11
Post Count: 1793 |
Yeah. I know it sucks.
Better than a zero though.
|
|
|
|
Blob, is it possible for us to move on to Round 3 and a new topic, and I can go back to Round 2 to make my own prompt? I have an idea of what I want to do, but how I'll do it, I'm still working on that... |
|
|
I mean, if you have a suggestion for a prompt, I'm open to that. |
|
|
No, it's not that. If we moved on to Round 3, would it be possible for me to make a prompt for Round 2 and have that be graded OFFICIALLY? Sorry for asking, but I feel like I'm going to delay everyone, what with my laziness combined with today's writer's block. |
|