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aamansubaru
#195692989Monday, August 08, 2016 11:03 PM GMT

_____Season 1 Episode 6____ At Quentyn's Keep Runcel Arryn let Raenys Arryn free and told him that his wedding is soon. Raenys says "Fine, I will do it." Runcel said "Finally, try to make you're life not miserable, do something, go and rule." Raenys walks out with 5 of his guards. Runcel Arryn walks into Daelyria's room. "Daelyria?" Says Runcel Daelyria replies "What?" Runcel says "Look, I know you're angry and very disappointed, I have a duty for you...." Daelyria replies "What, duty?" Runcel says "You will travel to King's Landing to serve Taerys and live there with you're children." Daelyria says "yay, thanks dad!" The next day: Daelyria Arryn was shipped off with all her children to King's Landing. _____________________________________ __________King's Landing____________ At King's Landing Taerys Arryn got a note from Runcel Arryn saying that Daelyria and her children are coming to King's Landing. It also said they will live as rich citizens in King's Landing, a 3 floored house with Arryn guards and handmaiden's to take care of there every need. ____________________________________________________Dorne________________ At Dorne Myraella is in her room preparing for the day. Myraella's handmaiden did up her platinum-silver hair and rested a deadly Black rose upon her head. Myraella had beautiful long hair, purple eyes and a beautiful face and always wore white or a purple gown. Myraella just turned 13 years old, she walked through the garden of Lemonwood with her betrothed, Andrey Dalt. Isaac and Deziel watch them from above in a terrace. Isaac says "She's a pretty one." Deziel replied "She looks like her mother." Isaac replies "Aye, the Targaryen features, beautiful silver-White hair and purple eyes." Deziel then says "Those features are for all Valyrian houses, not just Targaryen, like House Brightflame, House Dayne had those features as well. Ashara Dayne has purple eyes and black hair." Isaac replies "Aye, I heard House Velaryon is also a Valyrain house." Deziel says "Did you not know? Velaryon, Brightflame, Blackfyre, Dayne they all have Valyrian features." Isaac replies "Aye, my Lord. Myraella likes it here, she has fallen deeply in-love with Andrey." Deziel says "Yes, that is a very good thing, it makes it seem like a love marriage. At least Myraella is happy. Soon she will be able to write to her mother." A Dalt guard says "My Lord, it's your daughter in law, Lady Myraella." Deziel replies "Bring her in." "Hello Father in law." Says Myraella "Hello Myraella, why how elegant you look." Says Deziel Myraella replies "Why thank you." Lord Deziel has a look at Myraella, a long white gown, beautiful silver-White hair and a black rose. Lord Deziel says "You really like that look, don't you Myraella?" Myraella replied "Yes, the black rose is a rose from the Crown of Deadly Roses. It's a crown..." Deziel then says "Crown in Quentyn's Keep on full lockdown." Myraella replies "Okay." Myraella heard Andrey shouting "Myraella!" "You Must leave for now." Says Deziel "Bye." Says Myraella Myraella bows to Deziel and walks out to attend Andrey Dalt. "What is it?" Asked Myraella "I missed you." Said Andrey _____________________________________ END
Z0rr0w
#195694249Monday, August 08, 2016 11:20 PM GMT

The primary problem with this story is that the dialogue seems like it was written by someone who's never heard people speak to each other. The conversations between people seem very inhuman and robotic. Furthermore, this entire things feels very boring. Nothing actually happens, and it seems a bit too short for an "episode" as you're calling it. The only thing that happens is movement. People go to other places, but there's no reason for that, no drama to it all. Your grammar's also bad, but that's not nearly as much of an issue compared to the two others discussed. I'm feeling a light two out of ten on this.

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