Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
http://pastebin.com/xw7nHaXK
---
Spells:
Magic Missile (10 mana) - Fire a blast of magic at an enemy, dealing damage to them. The missile can be aimed at a surface, creating a small explosion that can do damage to multiple enemies, but it does less damage than a direct hit.
Weak Heal (15 mana) - Weak Heal (15 mana) - Mend your wounds and heal yourself for 20 health. Incoming damage is reduced for one turn following the spell cast. Health regenerates outside of combat, so you shouldn't need to use this spell when combat is finished.
Minor Shield (20 mana) - Hold up a shield created from magical energy which greatly reduces the damage of attacks that it blocks. It shatters after sustaining damage from two attacks, and other spells or actions may be taken while the shield is up, as long as that spell or action is one-handed.
---
"Why?! Why do you have the Keyaxe?!"
"Shut up!"
The two animated guys on the television begin fighting, one of them holding two giant keys and the other only holding one giant key. The others in the lobby are watching the TV, seeming to get really excited about it. As the two guys clash with their weapons, sparks fly out, turning the screen fully white for a moment. When the whiteness subsides, the one with two keys is seen walking away from his combatant who's fallen. The show fades to black and a Dorf appears, beginning to speak.
"That was the end of our re-run of the first four seasons of 'Dynasty Hearts!' I'm here at Animate-Con and we have a very special panels here with the creators of the show who are talking about season five of the show, which is finally coming after a 12 year wait!"
The camera pans away to show a panel featuring several men, mostly Eldrin. The one in the middle has greying hair but is still a very beautiful man. He starts talking.
"So, you know, when we were bringing back the show, there were a lot of things we wanted to do with it. But, the main thing we wanted to do is give... you know, a conclusion to everything. Each episode of this new season is going to be leading up to a final conclusion where, ultimately, Rucksack will have to confront The Belt Eater."
You see a small child next to you faint from excitement.
"What we have for you today is a storyboard of the first sequence from the first episode. And I'll pitch it to you like how I'd pitch to the program. So, anyway."
The camera turns to show a storyboard beginning to run as the man begins narrating. The parent of the small child next to you faints from excitement.
"The wind is blowing. Whooooosh, whoooooosh. The trees are rustling, whwhowhowohowhohsh whowhowhowohwohwohosh. Then, we pan down on these two foogles. They're being surrounded by Lungless, and they're all coming close with their little footsteps, fififififififififii, fifififififififi. And then, suddenly, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr vroom vroom vrooom brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. We pan over to this hooded figure on his motorcycle. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, vroom vrooom vrooom, brrrrrrrrrrrrrr. He pull out a gun. And BOOOOOOOSH, BAAAAAAM, BOOSH BOOOOOSH, BAAAAAAAAM"
The man begins flailing his arms as he makes gun sound-effects and describes the motorcyclist riding on top of all the Lungless.
"AND NOW HE'S RIDING ON TOP OF ALL THE LUNGLESS VROROROROROROROROROROROO RARARARARARAR JEJEJEJEJEJEJEJEJJEEJJEJEJEJEJ EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
The man has now knocked over his little nameplate.
"THEN HE PULLS THE HANDBRAKE AND HE GETS SLAMMED OFF HIS BIKE VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! His hood falls off, and we see who it is. The foogles look over. 'Rucksack?' they ask."
Then, a drawing of a weathered and bearded Rucksack appears. Everybody in the waiting room begins to scream.
"THEN HE GETS UP AND SUMMONS HIS TWO KEYAXES!"
Everybody in the waiting room has jumped on top of their chairs and begun to dance around and shout.
"AND THERE ARE GUNS ATTACHED TO THE BOTTOM OF THEM. HE FLIPS HIS KEYAXES AND BEGINS FIRING! BRATATATATATATATATATATAT! FIRING AT ALL THE LUNGLESS! BRATATATATATATATATATATATATAT! THEN HE RUNS OUT OF AMMO, FLIPS HIS KEYAXES BACK AROUND AND BEGINS SLASHING ALL THE LUNGLESS! SOON THEY'RE ALL DEAD AND HE HOPS BACK ONTO HIS BIKE WITHOUT A WORD AND RIDES OFF!"
Everybody in the waiting room has fainted from exhaustion and excitement. A suited Human girl comes out from another room.
"Mr. Johnson? Mr. Joh-" she says, stopping when she sees everyone except you is fainted. She looks over at the TV and notices a brief glimpse of the Dynasty Hearts panel.
"Aw, I missed it," she laments as she looks over at you.
"Oh, you're the journalist here for the journalist license, right?" |
|
|
Bad crazy. A shock of nervousness as this man twirls around like some kind of pistol packing ballerina. The hype was, as it always will be, real. I look over at the girl as I grit my teeth and look at her. "Yeah, I guess." I tell her, looking up from my notepad, which was starting to look like the suicide note of a madman at this point.
|
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
"Okay," she says with a nod.
"Come this way please," she requests as she walks back into the room she came from. You see a hand rise from the pile of unconscious bodies.
"It better come out this year or I'm gonna be really... spicy," the owner of the hand says as it falls down and silence fills the room. |
|
|
"These things take time." I reply to the man who seemed to gain life once more from the sonic orchestra of madness that just took place. I attempt to navigate across the bodies of men madder than I as I follow the woman.
|
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
You follow the woman into the back room. As you open the door, you see a long hallway of despair before you. On either side of the corridor are rows of counters with dead-looking people behind them. Each counter is labeled with a number. The woman stops and speaks to you.
"So if you want a journalist's license, you first need to get form 208, which you can get from counter 3. But to get that, you need to have permit AB2 which you get from counter 28. But in order to get permit AB2, you need requisition form 2020 from counter 35. For requisition form 2020, you'll have to get letter LKLK from counter 7. But you can't get letter LKLK without first getting contractual agreement 240p from counter 22. For the contractual agreement 240p, you need to head over to counter 3,332 to retrieve handout 1-2-shamalama."
"Alternatively, you could go to the basement and fight Shig'Susu for your license." |
|
|
Bureaucracy was never my style. I don't quite like fighting basement dwellers either. "Tell me more about this basement creature." I say to the woman, looking around the horrible structure I've found myself. Bad madness, crazy fear, pale looking paper gremlins.
|
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
"His name is Shig'Susu. He is the king of bureaucracy. We must feed him suffering, or he becomes angry," the woman explains to you, "But, recently, we've been getting really bad press and a lot of our feelings have been hurt. Mine especially. It's been so long since someone has said anything nice to me. So we all got together and decided that whoever can defeat Shig'Susu in mortal combat will be get whatever they came here for without going through the struggle of getting various papers." |
|
|
"I'll go deal with it." I say, looking at the woman. "Show me to the basement and I shall kill this beast."
Besides from a few short firefights between me and an upset cow farmer back home, I'd never been in much combat. Cows count as attackers, right?
No.
|
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
She nods and walks you past all the many, many counters. You notice all the people at the counters look the same, their features drained from their faces and all life stolen from their eyes. You eventually reach a spooky wooden door.
"Shig'Susu resides down there." |
|
|
I open the door and head down. This reminds me of when that dodgeball match went horribly wrong and lead to a small riot and subsequent firebombing.
Ah, grade school.
|
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
Upon opening the door, you find yourself faced with darkness and a creaking, wooden staircase that seems to be slowly rotting away. You begin your descent: down, down, down, down. Unceasingly, inevitably, down. You feel the air grow thick as you descend. Soon, you arrive at the bottom.
A light switches on above, shining down on a completely empty room. Completely empty, that is, except for a strange being at the center that rises. He turns around and looks towards you. He has brown hair, barely there, just at the top of his head. He looks at you and breathes heavily. The light seems to darken as his gaze permeates every fiber of your being. You feel cold. You feel dread.
The man steps towards you and then falls down a recently-opened trapdoor. You hear him shout something about Shig'Susu, then you hear the noise of him being torn apart limb-from-limb. |
|
|
God hell, what a brutal way to go. I wonder why there was some kind of basement schlub that just sat there. I look around the room for anything that would allow me to head down without fear of hurting my delicate walking legs.
|
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
The room is empty, devoid of anything. Upon peering down into the trapdoor though, it doesn't look like too far of a drop. You could probably jump down and be perfectly fine. Until Shig'Susu gives you what's known in the trade as 'the old roundabout.' |
|
|
Like the depressed school child who jumped into a chasm, I jump into the chasm.
|
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
You fall down, but as you do, you feel something grab you, turn you around, and then drop you head-first. You feel a bit dizzy as you rise.
"YOU HAVE FALLEN HEAD-FIRST INTO MY CHASM OF TRICKS, PATHETIC HUMAN," a thundering voice says. A light switches on and you see what was once an intact body on the ground. Then, you also see a horrible beast, standing on four elongated and abnormal limbs. It has no clothes on and is a pale white color. Its eyes glow red and it stares at you with its horrible, weathered face.
"WANNA SIGN A CONTRACT?" the creature asks as a third arm flies out from its back, holding out a contract. The contract reads simply "YOU GO TO HELL." There's also a lot of fine print on it. |
|
|
I was never much good with contracts. I decide against this. "No thank you! I'd rather not!" I say, trying to cast a magic missile at one of it's eyes. |
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
You fire off a magic missile, which is swiftly blocked by the creature's contract, which proceeds to be lit on fire and fall to the floor as ash.
"YOU'VE BURNED MY FINE PRINT. FALL, FALL, PATHETIC HUMAN!" the creature shouts as it jumps up into the air. It doesn't come back down. You look up and notice it crawling around the ceiling, shrieking.
90/100 MP
Shig'Susu, The Beast of the Second-Floor Basement
100/100 HP |
|
|
What a strange creature to keep in a sub-basement. I fire another magic missile at myself and cast shield for good measure. I look around my current dwellings, too. |
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
(You may only perform one action at a time.)
You put two fingers to your head and cast magic missile. It sails through the skin, then through your skull, burning a massive hole in both sides of your head.
80/100 MP
0/100 HP
You fall over dead.
ENDING OBTAINED:
Kurt Cobain is a wizard |
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
jk, just a prank, fix your typo |
|
|
woops
What a strange creature to keep in a sub-basement. I fire another magic missile at the beast. I look around my current dwellings, too.
|
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
You can see nothing here except for the thing that used to be an intact body, and the horrible beast on the ceiling. You fire a magic missile upwards at the monster, which results in it falling down to the ground onto its back, violently flinging its arms and legs around like a cockroach.
80/100 MP
Shig'Susu, The Beast of the Second-Floor Basement
60/100 HP |
|
|
I take another shot at it's head and retreat. Pisschrist, what a horrible creature to put documents into.
|
|
Z0rr0wJoin Date: 2008-07-06
Post Count: 14027 |
You fire a magic missile shot into its head, then back away as the creature rolls over and shrieks. It begins scuttling towards you, leaping up into the air and landing on top of you, pinning you down against your will.
"I AM SHIG'SUSU AND YOU PUT DOCUMENTS, AS WELL AS BODIES, IN ME!" it cries out as it starts spitting melted contracts at your chest.
80/100 HP
70/100 MP
Shig'Susu, The Beast of the Second-Floor Basement
30/100 HP
|
|
|
What a strange way to keep files. I fire at it once again and attempt to dodge the spooky burning contracts. |
|