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quadsssss
#200397254Saturday, October 22, 2016 12:10 AM GMT

Link to the information about the contest: https://forum.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=200368231 "Julie! Hey! I missed you." I walked into my house, threw my gun on the floor and ran to her. "Oh my gosh... I missed you. I thought you were dead." She was in tears. "I thought those Vaktovians killed you, I didn't know what I was going to-" "Calm down, I'm here, with you." I looked in her gorgeous blue eyes and stroked her brunette hair.... "WAKE UP! WAKE UP! THEY ARE HERE! THEY ARE-" I snapped my body up and immediately grabbed my Reaper-9 on my nightstand next to me and pointed it at the door. I only saw TranscendantGlory's hand, and blood all over the floor. My heart was pumping, I have never had so been so terrified in my life. All I heard were screams and explosions. I snapped my legs off my bed and shook Ed3s12 to try and get him wake up. "Come on.... WAKE UP!" Ed3s12 snapped up and I saw the fear in his eyes. "We have to get out of here, now. I have my ship at the hangar, lets go!" Ed3s12 grabbed his sniper and his Devastator. "Lets go." I turned around to walk out of the door and all I felt was pain as I went to the ground. I grabbed his wrist and tried to keep the Vaktovian away from me, I couldn't do it... his saber was getting closer to me. I closed my eyes. I thought, "This is it, I won't see her again..." "HAIL VAKTOV-" I opened my eyes, and I looked to my right. A Vaktovian had a sniper bullet in his helmet. Ed3s12 hands were trembling. That was his first kill... "Ed... I'm sorry. Look, we have to get out and we will never have to return to war, ever again. You hear me?" Ed3s12 nodded his head, still horrified on what he had done. I pointed my Reaper-9 at the door, and walked out our room. I looked out the hallway window, and all I saw were Vaktovian soldiers on top of the FOA bodies, slashing their sabers across their chests. "No... we have to go outside and get to the hangar. Ed... it is our only chance." "Last, I can't do it! I shot someone today! Just go on without me!" I grabbed Ed by the collar of his uniform. "Do you want to see Brooke again? The only way you can see her again is if we go run through that battlefield and get to the hangar. I promise, you will live and you will not have to use that gun again, I promise. Now, are you in?" Ed looked at me with fear, but then he looked at me with sharp eyebrows. "Lets do it." Ed pulled out his sniper, ran outside and started firing. I cocked my gun and I ran out the door to the hangar. Ed and I looked up, and all Vaktovian deployment ships filled the air. "Don't look up! Keep going!" A loud, blood hurdling scream filled the air. "Vaktus is on the battlefield! Vaktus is on the-" The voice no longer screamed. "Come on Ed, we are almost there! Just keep goin-" A explosion filled my ears, and I looked behind me and Ed was on the ground, screaming in pain. "ED! NO!" I ran back to him, but it was impossible to reach him. STA-55 gunshots filled the air and the lasers were going towards me. "ED! ED!" Ed looked at me, tears on his face. "Go on without me... and tell Brooke I love her... so much..." Ed said nothing else. "ED! NOOOO!" I couldn't do anything, I had to keep going. I entered the hangar and went into my ship and flew away. I couldn't take it. I couldn't keep my hands steady on the stick. I put the ship on auto-pilot. Ed is dead... Ed is dead... It didn't feel right. I get to see someone I love and he can't. There was nothing I could do. "I-I, I promised him... I PROMISED HIM!" I slammed the ship with my fist. "Computer, how many Arcadians are left?" The female voice answered, "Checking and analyzing... I am sorry sir, but there is no one left, you are the only Arcadian left." I sat down, and I started bawling. All of the Arcadians are dead, Ed is dead... What am I going to tell Brooke? He was going to marry her tomorrow. I leaned my head against the wall and started to take in all of the events that happened today. "I am not serving, ever again. Ever." [I hope you enjoyed and thank you for taking time to read my story. Have a good day!] Lasthope123
ryanwraith
#200402849Saturday, October 22, 2016 2:33 AM GMT

Great story, although short I feel as if it really showed the magnitude and the suffering the Arcadians felt when their homeworld was destroyed by the VAX. My only complaint is that you used usernames instead of RP names, which ruined the immersion for me.
Exalt_d
#200403806Saturday, October 22, 2016 3:00 AM GMT

Its good, just is a massive text brick. Try to space it out, make it into separate paragraphs or something.
ryanwraith
#200407351Saturday, October 22, 2016 4:58 AM GMT

That aswell.
enzo9991
#200407569Saturday, October 22, 2016 5:08 AM GMT

sp00ked 10/10
Fallere
#200407699Saturday, October 22, 2016 5:15 AM GMT

Ok, this is a true story. I went to bed, and had two terrible dreams about me being attacked by the same demon. I woke up, and next to my bed was this creepy drawing saying "Go AWAY!" "I'm here" "Don't look at me." "Hello (Censored for personal info)"
meepo44
#200408365Saturday, October 22, 2016 5:44 AM GMT

........ 5 seconds later, he still hits, the shock of the moment wearing off as he travels through outer space in the pilot seat of his ship... He gets a weird feeling down his spine, sensing that something is wrong, like that something is watching him. He turns slowly, looking to his right. And the Vaktovian stares back. That sir is how you write horror. This is more like drama. I mean it's ok drama. You didn't do bad. It's just the wrong genre. Also I completely ripped off the ending of dead space 1 there.

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