Rate my lore - Roblox Forum Archive

Join Date: 2015-06-08
Post Count: 5245

#217048871Sunday, May 21, 2017 9:01 PM GMT

https://forum.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=217048377 I made it in like three minutes. The concept and ideas put into it were thought of over like days, so excuse any grammatical errors or incorrect-essay-MLA format bs. If anyone wants to offer rewriting it so it sounds better feel free and link me.

Join Date: 2013-09-15
Post Count: 14737

#217048968Sunday, May 21, 2017 9:03 PM GMT

"capable of creating life" -- Not necessary as every organism is capable of creating life. "It was only soon that they would completely die" -- *die out "Left for us, was tons of advanced technology" -- Too colloquial and unnecessary comma I'll edit it later

Join Date: 2013-08-18
Post Count: 9642

#217049050Sunday, May 21, 2017 9:04 PM GMT

weak lore too generic

Join Date: 2015-06-08
Post Count: 5245

#217049064Sunday, May 21, 2017 9:04 PM GMT

Thanks, I'll redo it after I hear from a few other people.

Join Date: 2011-02-13
Post Count: 3172

#217049197Sunday, May 21, 2017 9:07 PM GMT

That sounds good to me.

Join Date: 2015-06-08
Post Count: 5245

#217050824Sunday, May 21, 2017 9:31 PM GMT

Thanks. And I guess it's a little generic @father_satan. But it's more based off halo as ZIRCON is based off halo.

Join Date: 2008-10-24
Post Count: 7957

#217050900Sunday, May 21, 2017 9:32 PM GMT

add a section of living my PMW and i'll be all ears

Join Date: 2011-11-18
Post Count: 247

#217051487Sunday, May 21, 2017 9:40 PM GMT

The opening needs work. It Isn't that hard-hitting, there needs to be some sort of punchline or hook to grab me in. blues qlues