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killer3045
#47781286Monday, May 30, 2011 1:58 PM GMT

.……………………......-~=Prologue=~……………………………. Steven, 7:00 PM, Oakatami River Surface The line of people started to cross the Oakatami River. They stopped when they were all across, and more people started to bind their hand behind their back. They backed away slowly. My sister sobbed as our mother was forced to say Oakatami, and was swallowed up by the surface of the river. I rubbed Lauren’s hair as her hand clutched mine. The next line of people walked on top of the river surface, repeating the word Oakatami, then slipped through the river and into the human world. Hayden, 7:00, Ashley River I clutched my hands against the fence that blocked out people from the Ashley River. I watched as the “Creatures” burst through the water, and then started to drown. I ran away from the fence as another batch burst through the water. Whatever lived down there, or wherever, no one knows what they were. So everyone called them the creatures. But if I knew what was going to happen later on in my life, I never would of disrespected them, or despised them. -~=Chapter One=~- Hayden, 2:00 AM, living room, my house First of all, let me tell you about the Creatures. They were humanoid, but they could morph their hands into claws, they usually had dark, tan skin, and sometimes, they have a flap of skin that stretches all the down to their wrist, then stretched out to their side, like a flying squirrel. But we only see them when they burst through the water of the Ashley River, before they drown. Only one was saved, but she was never seen again. Some say she was a child who knew how to swim with her legs tied and arms bonded, and that’s how she escaped, or she just stood calm and let the water push her up against the banks, where she could get some help getting un-bonded. But now no one knows where she lives, or if she died, or was killed. But someday, maybe someone, or maybe even I, will find out the truth. That all changed one day when a creature burst through the water, looking for her.
killer3045
#47788287Monday, May 30, 2011 4:02 PM GMT

How come all the stories I make get no motivation what so ever?
gamer325
#47788392Monday, May 30, 2011 4:04 PM GMT

Mainly because there is absolutely no story before oakatami? I mean you just jumped into it. Why are the people bonded? Why are they dying? Ect
Tasoki
#47788701Monday, May 30, 2011 4:09 PM GMT

I like it! It's a great way to start! Just tossing them straight into is usually bad, but the way you did it made it somewhat alright.
gamer325
#47788789Monday, May 30, 2011 4:10 PM GMT

I mostly agree with tuxedo. But create more backstory - the first half of the prologue is unbacked and empty, and incoherent.
killer3045
#47797857Monday, May 30, 2011 6:51 PM GMT

The reason why I didn't tell yet is because the main charecters will tell the summary along the way. but I can make one right now, if you want me to.
killer3045
#47917146Wednesday, June 01, 2011 10:51 PM GMT

bump
Darksnake289
#47918039Wednesday, June 01, 2011 11:06 PM GMT

I enter the room while clamping my hands say,"Bravo!" I then sit in the theater chair and wait for it to come back on.
Darksnake289
#47918077Wednesday, June 01, 2011 11:07 PM GMT

(*Claping*)
killer3045
#47924097Thursday, June 02, 2011 12:39 AM GMT

summary coming in a sec.
Linkhero13
#47924221Thursday, June 02, 2011 12:41 AM GMT

'Ello, nice story.
killer3045
#47924864Thursday, June 02, 2011 12:51 AM GMT

SUMMARY Hayden: A regular kid in the year of 2035. Nothing has improved really in his time. Except the fact the human race has figured out about The Creatures: humanoid people that can morph claws out of their hands and usually have dark, tans, skin. Sometimes they have a flap of skin that stretches down their arm and reached over to their side, like a flying squirrel, as Hayden would describe it. Steven: Same as Hayden. Well, kinda-sorta. He is a creature. His mother was taken away from him on the Oakatami River when she argued with the sheriff of the town. She was forced to walk onto the river surface with bonded arms. Then all the “law breakers” had to say the name of the river, which sent them tumbling through the water, and into the human world. Now Steven, on the other hand, wanted his mother back desperately. Get ready to follow these two boys in an epic journey of funny, adventure, and total epicness. While on this journey, they will find Stevens mom, and Hayden will figure out about his dad and his past. Their questions will be answered once you turn these pages, and their begging you: “TURN THESE PAGES!!!!!”
novawolf47
#47924978Thursday, June 02, 2011 12:53 AM GMT

*Sits in corner rocking back and forth* Oakatami...Oakatami... *insane face*
killer3045
#47964003Thursday, June 02, 2011 9:26 PM GMT

bump?
gamer325
#48007067Friday, June 03, 2011 7:00 PM GMT

*flips page* :o

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