IcyBluJoin Date: 2009-06-20
Post Count: 10333 |
PROLOUGE
“I, Emily Marx, have witnessed a suicide.”
I was standing in the Courthouse, squinting at the judge, blinded by the lights.
“You say you actually SAW her die?”
“Yes sir…unfortunately I did.”
There was a cold silence.
“Did you try to stop her?”
I shake my head slowly. “No, I did not…”
The judge looked at me carefully.
“Why not?”
I literally froze on this question. Why DIDN’T I try to stop her? May was always so nice, and quiet. She didn’t deserve being picked on…or death…
Chapter 1 is done, just tell me if you want me to post it. Sorry this short. Usually my prolouges are about this long. |
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
Epix :o
If your accepting character templates,heres mine:
Name: Sam
Job: Defense attorney
Personality: Friendly, Smart,cunning
Gender: Male
Looks: Black hair,Fedora,buissness suit. |
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
Im new to this roleplaying,am I supposed to make a chapter,or let you handle that? |
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IcyBluJoin Date: 2009-06-20
Post Count: 10333 |
I will accept character templetes, but this doesn't take place in the courthouse, for the most part, it takes place in a highschool. Change your templete a bit, and i'll get you in on chapter two. |
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IcyBluJoin Date: 2009-06-20
Post Count: 10333 |
I make all the chapters. |
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
@post1: Kk
@post2: Ok,thanks for clearing that up
Name: Sam
Job: Studying to become a Defense attorney
Personality: Friendly, Smart,cunning, Love phoenix wright
Gender: Male
Looks: Black hair,Fedora,buissness suit. |
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IcyBluJoin Date: 2009-06-20
Post Count: 10333 |
Chapter 1
I watched May Katsa, a sweet, quiet 15 year old, wandered around the halls of Mallon High School. She trembled a bit, considering the way she looked. She had nerd glasses on, her hair was dark brown and fizzy, her eyes were far apart, and the color of grey, her lips were uneven, and small, her nose was pointed with freckles across it. She was wearing a long brown skirt, a white tee, and was covered by a light bleu cardigan; her skin tone was extremely pale. She had a reason to be afraid, other than her looks.
The ‘Poups”, as me and my friends called them, were walking confidently down the halls, giving unworthy teens disgusted looks, and glares. They were all cheerleaders, some better than others. They all had tans, and no bad features. The head cheerleader was worst of all. Her name, was Claire Frey. She was wearing the lavender and white cheerleader outfit, had dark blonde hair, sky-blue eyes, was, and looks that could kill. Literally. She, of course, was dating the head jock, Ty Mason. Enough explaining. Claire looked at May and laughed.
“Are you seriously wearing THAT? My GRANDMOTHER wears that!” Claire said disgustedly. May looked up sacredly at Claire, and then mumbled something. “You say your MOM made you wear that! That’s even WORSE!” Claire and the cheerleaders laughed. May looked like she wanted to cry.
She glanced over at me, and gave me a pleading look. Help me! she seemed to say. I don’t know why I ignored her. I quickly looked away, and looked as if I never heard her speak. I leaned into my locker, like I was taking out books, when really I was trying to listen. “L-Leave me alone!” I heard May say. Claire simply laughed. “Whatever nerdy girl. C’mon girls, let’s go.”
I heard Claire and her group prance away, and May crying, and racing toward the bathrooms nearby. I turn around, and breath a sigh of relief. I think I just saved my life…but I didn’t save May’s…
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
:o Epic chapter,youve put alot of work into that.
(Oh,and since Im studying to be a defense attorney, Im friendly and I like to help/defend people :P) |
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IcyBluJoin Date: 2009-06-20
Post Count: 10333 |
(Any feedback would be great :/) |
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River777Join Date: 2010-04-05
Post Count: 14638 |
>Implying that the role-playing community likes to give feedback, when the majority of them spaz out and immediately back click unless it sucks horribly or is longer then a paragraph.
Also, I find this story to be well written. Quite nice. Perhaps I can get some feedback on mine, from you? |
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
Oh,sorry XD
Paragraph 1:
You did a great job of describing her, You can almost picture her in your head.
Paragraph 2:
Pretty much described half my school. :P
Paragraph 3:
You went into great indepth detail about how she was bullied, and how insecure she felt about herself. Kinda makes you sad. :/
Last few sentences: Poor may is all I have to say D: |
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IcyBluJoin Date: 2009-06-20
Post Count: 10333 |
So true.
And sure. |
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
ICYBLU
Y U NO UPDATE STORY D:< |
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IcyBluJoin Date: 2009-06-20
Post Count: 10333 |
Theres a thing called 'I'M WRITING IT' :/
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IcyBluJoin Date: 2009-06-20
Post Count: 10333 |
Chapter 2
I shook my head. I feel terrible now…My friend, Sam, who was studying to become a defense attorney, walked over. “Hey Emily. What’s wrong?” he asked concernedly. I sigh. “You know May, right?” He nods. “Well, the Poups were making fun of her…and when she needed help, I didn’t come save her.” He looks at me shocked. Naturally because I usually help people. “But why not?” I shake my head sadly. “I don’t know. I got scared for some reason.” He nods. “I’ll be right back!” he takes off running in the direction May went. Probably is going to help her or something…I grabbed my books, and headed to my first class, Science. I took my seat, and noticed something odd. May wasn’t here. She never once missed a class before…I raised my hand, and asked to go to the bathroom. The teacher nodded. I raced out the door. She could be in trouble…That’s when I saw her.
A group of bullies just finished beating her up, and were walking away. She looked awful. Tears streamed down her pale face, she was bruised just about everywhere, and was cut with something that looked sharp. A knife maybe? Blood flowed out of the open wound. But I didn’t move. I was too scared. She saw me, and gave me a pleading look before falling to the ground unconscious. I didn’t realize how long I’d been gone. The teacher startled me by grabbing my shoulder. “Emily!” He said sternly. “Do yo-” That’s when he saw May. He raced over, and picked her up. Crowds of curious students started to form. The teacher turned back at me, still holding May. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He ran away before I could answer him. I stood there, my mouth open wide, and my eyes looking startled.
Sam came over. “I saw May getting beat up…” he whispered. “They cut her with a sharp knife from the cafeteria. They said if I tried to stop them…” he stopped and looked at me. “They would kill May and I…” He finished sadly. I shook my head, coming out of my daze. “They’re terrible people…” He nodded. “C’mon. All we can do now is wait…” I nod, and we head back to Science together, hoping for the best.
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
Im jk, take your time. :P |
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
Woah,that was epic. If its OK,Heres a idea for chapter 3:
Me and you go and confront the bullies, They threaten to kill us, I get into a heated arguement,jock comes in and knocks me out, you run away to call the cops, (End of paragraph)
May gets beaten up again,and you grab her hand and run her to another part of the school, and hide somewhere,have a girl-to-girl prep talk thing... (Im not a girl,So I dont know what you call that,us boys just call it a prep talk)
Those are my ideas. |
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IcyBluJoin Date: 2009-06-20
Post Count: 10333 |
Hm...
I already starting writing chaoter 3 though. Sorry.
But those were good ideas. Try writing a story sometime. |
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
1. Thats ok, I just posted those incase your mind went blank
2. Thanks :D
3.I am right now. :P
My third one, actually. Banland survival 303. Im currently making the first one a movie,and I just started writing 303 today, So sorry if I cant reply immideatly. |
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
Inorite volacoid?
And volacoid is epix |
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drwho101Join Date: 2008-11-28
Post Count: 5681 |
This story is making me cry already.... |
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IcyBluJoin Date: 2009-06-20
Post Count: 10333 |
Your welcome xD |
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
The storys goin pretty epix so far. Just to let you know, I can only give feedback on weekdays.
And when summer vacations over, I can only do it at 6:00AM-7:00AM On weekdays :/ |
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matoro66Join Date: 2009-03-06
Post Count: 6788 |
How long does it take to wright these?
(Not rushing, just wanna know when I should check back, take all teh time chu need) |
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