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Credit to cyberzodai for the name. This story is written, published, and copylocked by BookWriters. Join today! Link: http://www.roblox.com/My/Groups.aspx?gid=251356
Lunar End
The 3 astronauts were sitting in a room, watching the news. Nothing that interesting yet. Jordan, with his dark brown hair nearly covering his eyes, was the only one really WATCHING the news. Melanie was “busy” chatting with her friend on her cell phone, and Ricky wasn’t doing much of anything. He was just laying there, half-asleep, staring up at the ceiling as though he was scanning it. Then, something interesting had happened, according to the news reporters.
“A hyperspace device and teleporter have been invented. They are highly dangerous, but they are being tested to fix these problems.”, said a scientist who was being interviewed on the subject. This made everyone stare at the TV, Ricky’s dark green eyes staring right into it, and Melanie had stopped talking to turn her head towards the television. “That sounds interesting…” said Jordan, in a rather gloomy voice. The other 2, they remained silent. Melanie hardly spoke, unless, of course, she was on the phone, and Ricky really never spoke at all. Occasionally he’ll say a line or two, but it’s usually ignored.
The trio of astronauts took a plane to NASA, where the devices were being tested. Not much happened during that flight. Ricky fell asleep most of the time, Jordan was bored out of his mind, and Melanie, well, she was on the phone. They finally arrived in Florida 1 day later.
They drove a rental car to the space station, and were there within 3 hours. Jordan drove the whole way, because he knew Melanie would let her phone distract her, and he also knew that Ricky had barely passed his driving test, so he wasn’t about to let him drive. They entered NASA, and walked down the long hallways until they finally arrived at the place where they were testing hyperspace. “Um… We’re here to test the hyperspace function on the rocket.” Jordan said. Ricky nodded. “No. Absolutely NOT.”, the scientist said. “Well why not?” asked Jordan. “We aren’t risking veteran astronauts until we know this is safe…” replied the scientist. “OK…? Well, how do we know if it’s safe?” Jordan asked. “When we teleport the ship back and the passengers aren’t dead…” the scientist replied.
Chapter 1 ends. Continue?
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snipe15Join Date: 2009-06-15
Post Count: 56 |
That one had a LOT more description then your last one but I still think you need at least a tiny bit more. But otherwise everything is an improvement from your old book. Great Idea. The style might need a little work(Unless you absolutely want it that way) I think you are already improving in just like days. Its amazing. |
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Thanks. I'll get better. I don't think I'll write page 2 until later today though. |
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Part 2. Oyus.
“Wait… Die?” Jordan asked. “Yes, until they don’t die.”, the scientist replied. “How many people have died so far?” Jordan asked. “About 5 rockets full…”, said the scientist. There was a strange silence. Melanie had even shut off her phone. “So um… I’m guessing it’s not government approved, then…”, said Jordan. “No, it is not.”, said the scientist. “In the recent prediction of the apocalypse, we find it necessary to plant one of these teleporters,” he pointed to a teleporter, “on a distant planet we have found that can sustain human life.”, said the scientist.
“Are there any other things that have happened to the testers besides death?” Jordan asked. “Well, yes…”, said the scientist. “In the rare event of hyperspace travelling, some of the passengers have mutated. They unfortunately had to be killed”. There was another deep silence. “Well SOMEONE has to plant that teleporter.”, said Ricky. “I suppose so…” said the scientist. “Well… Are we going or not?” asked Jordan. “My answer shall remain the same until this function is approved by the govern-“ the scientist started, but Jordan interrupted. “Which it probably won’t be until half the world has been killed testing it!” “Fine… Fine…” said the scientist hesitantly, “but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“OK.”, said Jordan. “Where’s the test rocket?” “Test rocket?” asked the scientist. “Your friend Ricky said you were planting the teleporter.” Jordan groaned. “Fine… I guess we’re going.” he said. “Great.”, said the scientist. “I’ll go tell Mission Control.” The 3 climbed into the rocket. “Oh Melanie!”, the scientist shouted at the last minute. “You’ll have to leave your phone here, there’s no reception in space.” Jordan and Ricky chuckled.
“This is Mission Control”, said a deep calm voice. “Taking off in T-10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Ignition.” The rocket’s engine roared. The trio were lifted off the ground. “Tower cleared.”, said Mission Control. “Good luck…” Flames were bursting from the bottom of the rocket. The rocket was about to leave the atmosphere. “Jordan, Ricky, Melanie. You have left Earth atmosphere.”, said Mission Control. “Your mission is to plant a teleporter on the distant planet of Sanghieli.” “Understood.”, said Jordan. About one hour later, they were contacted again. “This is Mission Control. Can you hear me?” asked the voice. “Hear you loud and clear.”, said Jordan. “The bottom part of your rocket will be separated in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.” The pod separated and they drifted on the rocket’s own power sources.
Part 2 ends. Continue?
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The aliens say "ada;dfh;adiflkdsjfaldsj" which is martian for "bump". |
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Part 3 commencing... NOW!
“This is going to take FOREVER.”, complained Jordan. “I mean, it takes 6 months just to get to Mars, and we’re travelling to another galaxy!” “I think it’s time we try out the hyperspace function.”, said Ricky. “Agreed.”, said both Melanie and Jordan at the same time. Jordan pushed the button, and the whole rocket was propelled forward, travelling at a speed of over 200 miles per hour. They stopped in 10 minutes, but they were in for a nasty surprise
“Hey, look. It’s Mars.”, said Melanie. “Yeah, great.”, said Jordan. “We kind of have more important problems, like the fact that our rocket has ran out of power.” “What?” Melanie asked. “You hear-“ Jordan started to say, but was interrupted by a large crash. “Oh, well this is great. ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!” said Jordan sarcastically. “We use hyperspace and we crash on a planet 6 months away from Earth.” “It looks like a few parts of the rocket have been badly damaged too.”, said Ricky. “Some parts have some minor damage, but I can fix those. As for the other parts, we may need to have some sent in an un-manned rocket.”
“Well if you haven’t noticed, the fuel tanks KIND OF crashed into the ocean about an hour ago.”, said Jordan. “They aren’t going to propel themselves out of the water and up here.” “And they might need to put someone in the rocket to use hyperspace, we can’t wait 6 months to fix this rocket.”, said Melanie. “Ok, ok. I get it.”, said Ricky. “Yelling at me won’t fix the rocket any faster.” “He DOES have a point, there, Jordan.”, said Melanie, matter-of-factly. “Well, let’s hope we’re still connected to Mission Control…”, said Jordan.
Jordan climbed into the rocket and tried to contact Mission Control. “This is Jordan to Mission Control. Can you hear me?” There was no answer. “I repeat, can you hear me?”, Jordan asked. “Oh sorry.”, replied the man in Mission Control. “I was getting a ham sandwich.” “Are you freaking serious?” Jordan asked angrily. “No.” the man chuckled. “I was actually getting my microphone.” Jordan rolled his eyes. “Well, we crashed on Mars after we used the hyperspace function. We might need you to send us some new parts.”, said Jordan. “What kind of parts?” asked the man. “RICKY GET IN HERE!” Jordan shouted. “What is it?” Ricky asked. “Tell Mission Control what parts we’ll need.”, said Jordan. Ricky babbled in the names of some parts that no one can understand, and added at the end, “We might need someone to come on it and use hyperspace though…” “Understood.”, said Mission Control. “We’ll get the parts to you as soon as possible.”
End of Page 3. Continue? |
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Nice. EPIC narrative. I'm only good at math...I suck at narratives... >.> |
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hey i got a question. How i post my own forum? |
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Your own thread? Go to the forum you want to post it in, look at the top, and click "New Thread". |
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Tuning in to Page 4.
It had been an hour already. “Where are those parts?” asked Melanie impatiently. “Hey, rocket parts don’t come overnight.”, said Ricky. “What’s your point?” asked Melanie. “It’s too risky to use hyperspace with rocket parts in the ship. It could crush your body.”, said Jordan. “He’s right.”, said Ricky. “Hyperspace is dangerous enough without cargo.” “SO?!” asked Melanie, getting angry. “So they aren’t gonna waste a random civilian in hyperspace!” shouted Jordan.
Meanwhile, back in the rocket, the civilian was ATTEMPTING to drive the rocket. “What button do I push to go into hyperspace.”, asked the civilian. “You don’t go into hyperspace.”, said Mission Control. “But I wanna go into hyperspace!” said the civilian. “You’re not going into hyperspace!”, said Mission Control, getting annoyed. “BUT I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA!”, whined the civilian. “FINE! JUST PUSH THE BIG BLUE BUTTON AND TURN IT OFF IN 10 MINUTES!”, said the man, annoyed.
The rocket travelled into hyperspace. After 10 minutes, the civilian turned it off. Luckily, he hadn’t run out of power. He landed on the large red planet, and unloaded all the parts. “What does this button do?”, he asked curiously. “NO DON’T PUSH THA-“ Jordan had started to shout. He had said it just in time. The civilian was just about to push a self-destruct button. “Why” Jordan started, “would you put a self-destruct button ON A ROCKET?!”
“No clue…”, said Ricky. “But it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of…” “Well… I guess we better start fixing up the rocket.”, said Melanie. “I know where this goes!”, said the civilian, actually not knowing. He started ramming it into part of the rocket to try and make it fit. “What the heck are you doing?! You’re gonna smash the whole thing!”, shouted Jordan. “Sorry…” said the civilian. “Who are you, anyway?” asked Ricky. “I’m Bob.”, said the civilian. “ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HOW MANY “BOB” s ARE ON EARTH?! ANYMORE BOB s I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?!” Jordan shouted impatiently. It was true, he had heard of about 45 “Bob” s on Earth. “Yep, I’m serious.”, said Bob. “Eh, as long as he’s honest…” mumbled Ricky.
Part 4 ends. Continue???????????????????????????????????
~End transmission~ |
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snipe15Join Date: 2009-06-15
Post Count: 56 |
Wow, this story is getting great. Try getting your facts a little more straight though, 200 miles per hour is less than a rocket goes normally. So it shouldnt be its hyperspace speed. |
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Eh, I get my hyperspeed facts from Star Wars xD. How fast would hyperspace be? maybe 70 or 80? Lol, that's as fast as my aunt drives to Cincinnati. |
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Bump from the Outer Rim. xD |
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I got distracted on the first part.
what year does this take place.
because i don't think you would be able to use a cell phone on the moon.
or maybe im wrong.
"there are excuses for every problem. you just need to find them" theblock24 |
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They aren't on the moon. Their rocket communicator is connected to mission control. >.> |
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I think you put too much emphasis on dialogue, as it pretty much litters the rest of the work. |
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the forums don't allow italics. I would've used them... |
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snipe15Join Date: 2009-06-15
Post Count: 56 |
Hyperspace950 to 1100. |
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0_e
I don't like fast speeds.... |
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snipe15Join Date: 2009-06-15
Post Count: 56 |
HAHAHA |
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Fine fine. 950 it is. whatever is slowest...
BTW, The aliens told me a secret. -whispers- They liek waffelz. |
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snipe15Join Date: 2009-06-15
Post Count: 56 |
I LOVE WAFFLES, SO I MUST BE AN ALIEN.!.!.!.!? |
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