engelRuseJoin Date: 2011-03-04
Post Count: 16424 |
***I NEED feedback on this. I am need to edit this whole thing but I don't know how good it is... So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me what you think I need to fix.***
*Oh and this is my first draft so there will be mistakes and it may not be the best***
*CHAPTER ONE*
"Eve are you sure? Are you sure I won't like die," I said worried. Eve, my red headed, green eyed best friend, wanted me to come with her and explore this run down, supposedly haunted castle. It just screamed creepy. The worst part was that we were outside the castle and it was midnight, pitch black, and only the lights of our flashlights kept me from tripping and stumbling into trees.
"Yes I am sure. I wouldn't drag you along if I didn't think it was safe!"
"Hey! It's not my fault that I don't like to risk my life!!!!"
"Sure it's not," she says as she grabs my arm and starts to drag me towards the castle.
"EVE!!! I DON'T WANT TO COME," I scream.
"Stop being a baby and actually be brave for once Jenn."
"Oh I don't want to die and I am a baby!"
"Yes. Yes you are."
"No I am not," I whined. Okay now I sounded like a baby...
"Then come on," she said as we walked to the front of the castle.
The castle was a huge building made of black stone. The walls were mostly in disrepair, with giant gaping holes that allowed you to see into the inside. The inside looked to be a little better than the outside but not by much. The castle grounds were covered in weeds and dying trees. As I looked around the moon came out, illuminating some black marble statues of dragons, knights, kings, queens, princes, and princesses. The statues were missing chunks of marble, one dragon missing half of its head, a chunk of wing, and almost the entire tail.
"Eve can't we go back to the house and do something normal," I begged but she had already walked in and I had no choice but to follow her.
As soon as I walked in I knew it was a mistake. It looked like it would topple down. Tapestries hung from the walls or were on the ground in tattered holes in heaps. The thrones were over on their side's and looked to be rusting. The doors that led to other parts of the castle were hanging from their hinges if they weren't on the ground. The wood of the doors looked rotten. Stained glass windows lay on the ground as shattered heaps of colored glass. One door that was open lead to a courtyard and from what I could see it was buried under a heap of rubble with the remains of pillars sticking out or a few trees that seemed lucky to survive but looked sickly and dead. This place was a mess.
"I am going now," I said quietly as I walked out.
"No you aren't. Welcome girls to the old Beringar family castle." I stopped when I heard that voice, it wasn't Eve. Then an old man with long silver hair and stormy grey eyes materialized in front of me and I screamed.
*CHAPTER TWO*
"Be quiet little girl," said the old man as he covered his ears. "I may be dead but that doesn't mean I am deaf. But I may be soon if you keep screaming like that!"
"Jenn come on. A ghost materializes in front of you and you scream? What is wrong with you," Eve says as she walks up to me.
"Really? I think a normal person would scream," I said annoyed. Okay maybe not the best time to have an argument with a ghost near us.
"Okay I am not normal, there is no problem with that. At least I don't show some one if I am afraid or not, Jenn."
"Are you afraid?"
"I am not telling you," she said quietly, the only reason I could ever tell when she was scared.
"The two girls who are trapped here and are meant to stay here for eternity are the most annoying girls in the world. Thats awesome, as if my after life isn't bad already," muttered the old man.
"WE HAVE TO WHAT," Eve and I screamed.
"AGH! You both are annoyingly loud together too! And of course you have to stay here for eternity! That is what every evil ghost does," said the old ghost.
"I am not staying with whoever you are Mr. Weird Ghost," Eve said bravely.
"I am the king! The evil king of Beringar castle," he replied.
"Um... So far you haven't been very evil... Maybe a little creepy but not evil," I said.
"I am so evil! I would feed my villagers anything but spinach which they hated... I killed the murderers of the village for no reason.... I took all their money then gave them back riches that were worth more than all their money...."
"In other words you were a very good king," Eve says.
"NO! My people killed me because of my evilness. The killed me while I slept! And it was my advisor who was the nice one. He captured innocent people to test potions and spells, took the little boys and girls of the village to be his mistreated slaves. He took the peoples land and money without giving them anything. He killed those who spoke out against him. He killed those he didn't like. He tortured innocent people just to see their pain."
"Um... Did anyone ever call you the stupid king,” I asked curiously.
“No I was the smartest king they ever had!”
“Oh no... No wonder this castle fell to ruin,” Eve muttered.
"What do you mean by 'no wonder this castle fell to ruin.' Smart people don't ruin castles or anything," said the offended man.
"But stupid people do. And you are stupid," Eve said.
"Don't ever say stuff like that to a ghost. They can beat you any time since they don't get tired!"
"Don't ever say that to me. I could beat you since I have never been beaten."
"She hasn't," I admitted. Of course that wouldn't scare a ghost... Sadly...
"See! I got Jenn backing me up! And she is an awesome fighter to," Eve said, smiling. She was lying.
"That girl! No, no, no. She looks weak and afraid. She has no courage or anything," the man said in disbelief.
"Hey! I have courage," I said offended.
"King, king, king. No need to argue with our newest subjects. Now just let me take care of them," said a young man as he walked out of the shadows. He looked about 18 and had long black hair and violet eyes. He was very tall and skinny.
"Of course my trusted advisor," the king said as he walked away then disappeared.
"Welcome children follow me," said the advisor as he gave us a cold, creepy smile.
"Follow you and what? Be killed? Or eaten? Maybe tortured, right," Eve says as she takes a few steps back, closer to me.
"No, no. I was just going to take you to bed room. Oh wait this place is falling apart," he said. He muttered something and then I saw the place fly back together. Stones flew back into place forming walls, colored glass heaps were once again beautiful stained glass windows, doors were fixed. The courtyard was becoming a beautiful garden; tapestries once again were beautiful instead of dusty messes. The thrones were turned right side up. I looked around in wonder. Then I saw a chunk of stone come flying toward me and I felt it hit my head.
"OW," I screamed, my hand involuntarily going up to my head.
*CHAPTER 3*
"Jenn are you okay," Eve asks as she runs up to me.
"I just got hit in the head with a huge rock but I am okay," I said.
"You sure?"
"Yes I am sure."
"Girls come on. Follow me now," said the advisor.
"No. You just caused a giant chunk of rock to hit me in the head. And you would probably torture us or something. So no," I said quietly.
"I can force you to come. You have a choice. Come with me willingly or be forced."
"No," I said again, a little louder.
He walked up to me. "Really? I can do magic as you have already seen. I can control you. I can kill you on the spot. Now I recommend following me right now before I kill you. And it won't be a quick death. No it will be agonizingly long, every second feeling like a million years. Every second filled with unbearable pain but still you will live until I decide you can die. And that could be 100 years. Or 1,000 years. But you can't say no." He stared at me, and I felt fear as I took a few steps back.
"N-n-no," I stuttered.
He smiled then grabbed my arm. "Come on little girl, before I kill you."
Eve started to grab me when he muttered a few unintelligible words and a cage of darkness appeared around her, trapping her.
"LET ME OUT," she screamed but he just shook his head as he dragged me away from the throne room, where my friend was trapped, and deeper into the castle.
He dragged me through the dark hallways of the castle that were slightly illuminated by thick candles. I looked around the castle, I didn't bother trying to run or get away. This ghost wizard advisor scared me, and I couldn't think. I never was a fan of adventures or ghost stories. And now I was a part of one!
"Now to figure out what to do with you," he muttered as he stopped at a large wooden door.
"What to do with me? HOW ABOUT LET ME GO!!!!"
"No, no. That won't help me."
"Of course."
He opened the door and then threw me in. "You can wait in here while I prepare the lab."
"The what?!"
He didn't answer as he closed the door and I heard the click of a lock.
I looked around the room. It was pretty big and there were two huge canopy beds. In the middle of the room was a giant carpet with a couple large black couches and chairs surrounding an old table set with large light candles giving off sweet fragrances. There was another door that was open and led to what looked like a giant closet and another door that led onto a balcony. I walked over to the balcony. It over looked the castle grounds. But the castle grounds were different. No longer covered in weeds it looked beautiful. The trees looked lively and were grouped together to form perfect places to rest in the days and would shelter someone from the hot sun. A little ways away from the castle was a village filled with black, white, and grey buildings. Smoke was rising from chimneys. The village looked alive even though it was about midnight with many people walking around and children chasing other children. Some were climbing a few trees and it looked so peaceful.
I looked away from the village feeling utterly trapped and down right below the balcony. There was a huge tree. Maybe if I jumped I could get away and go get help, even if that wouldn't help. I climbed onto the wall around the balcony and closed my eyes and jumped off before I could convince myself I shouldn't. I felt the air rush past me. I opened my eyes slowly to see myself rushing towards the ground, about to be a human pancake.
***So how do you like it?*** |