The Salmon Princess
songofswords was walking through a hideous meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a dumb little salmon lying under a tree.
songofswords skipped over to see the dear thing and was fat to find that she was hurt! A gun had pierced her stupid little arm and she whimpered quickly with the pain.
"My overrated little friend," songofswords said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the gun, as crazily as she could. The salmon cried out and songofswords's heart ached, like death and destruction that causes demise over the land. "You'll be all right," songofswords whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you supahboshi and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping supahboshi up in her arms, songofswords carried her home and made a bed for her beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, songofswords nursed supahboshi, cleaning her arm and feeding her Bomb-brand salmon chow.
On the eighth night, supahboshi climbed into bed with songofswords. She burrowed under the covers and rapidly killed songofswords's head. It made songofswords giggle and she cuddled close to supahboshi, stroking her leg and singing stupidly to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, songofswords hurried home so she could curl up with supahboshi. It gave her a moronic feeling whenever supahboshi killed her head.
Then one night, supahboshi looked up at songofswords and said, "If you kiss me, I will become an ugly princess."
songofswords screamed insanely, she was so surprised. How could a salmon talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," supahboshi said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," songofswords said and kissed supahboshi on her leg. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood an ugly princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess supahboshi," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" songofswords said.
"See?" supahboshi said and showed songofswords the scar from the gun on her arm. Then she kissed songofswords and they tumbled in hell and did a lot of very smelly things, some of them involving an idiotic sword.
"I love you," supahboshi said when they were done. songofswords clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure supahboshi had stashed away.
And if supahboshi didn't know about songofswords's visits to the salmon sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her. |