MrPhelpsJoin Date: 2010-02-27
Post Count: 27982 |
Here's my philosophy:
You living in your parents' house? You do what they say.
~The OT Snowman~ |
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AwkrinJoin Date: 2008-09-08
Post Count: 19058 |
"You living in your parents' house? You do what they say."
I never said don't do what they say. I only said that parents need to learn when to stop parenting.
And children should realize this as well. |
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MrPhelpsJoin Date: 2010-02-27
Post Count: 27982 |
"I only said that parents need to learn when to stop parenting."
Parents are going to be parenting you until they die, even after you've moved out. Be thankful for that, because you'll be running to them for advice some day. What you mean is they need to figure out when to start letting up on their grip. There does come a point where a parent does need to start trusting their child and giving them more freedom. However, it is still the child's duty to make sure his parents know where he is, when he'll be home, etc.
~The OT Snowman~ |
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AwkrinJoin Date: 2008-09-08
Post Count: 19058 |
" However, it is still the child's duty to make sure his parents know where he is, when he'll be home, etc."
Never said that it isn't.
"Parents are going to be parenting you until they die.......for advice some day"
Advice is not necessarily parenting.
I like to define parenting as:Punishing when they do wrong, praising you when you do right, guiding you to the PATH THEY WANT you to follow, telling you their way is the only right way, and telling you that you CANNOT do things EVEN THOUGH you have the means and the power to do it anyways.
At a certain point they need to realize, "Hey, I have done all I can do to raise them. All I can do now is hope, and pray that I did my best. And they will remember what I taught them."
If they do not come to this realization then they care way too much. Caring does not equal caring too much.
I am packing up my clothes and in the process of moving out and they are still trying to tell me what I can and cannot do. |
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TappierJoin Date: 2013-04-10
Post Count: 14077 |
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AwkrinJoin Date: 2008-09-08
Post Count: 19058 |
" too concerned with protecting rather than educating their children as to why they're doing what they do."
I agree with you on that. When I told them that I didn't believe in god they didn't look at me for a month. I guess I am a little blinded by their parenting. What do you define "parenting" as? |
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MrPhelpsJoin Date: 2010-02-27
Post Count: 27982 |
"Advice is not necessarily parenting."
It is one of the largest parts of parenting.
"I like to define parenting as:Punishing when they do wrong, praising you when you do right, guiding you to the PATH THEY WANT you to follow, telling you their way is the only right way, and telling you that you CANNOT do things EVEN THOUGH you have the means and the power to do it anyways."
I define parenting like this:
1) Love your kid
2) Discipline them (part of loving)
3) Instilling in them a strong set of morals
4) Protect them
Do you know why they tell you not do certain things even though you have the power to do the thing? Because believe it or not, they actually know what's better for you than you do. From the time you're little, you have all the power you want to play in the street, but you're parents still told you not to. You didn't understand then, and you thought it unfair. Now, you know that it's dangerous. Even as a young adult, you still don't know everything that's out there. One of the biggest times people screw up is as a young adult. So, instead of complaining that your parents won't let you do this or that, be thankful that they care enough to protect you, even if you think it's too much. Some kids would give anything for their parents to care that much.
~The OT Snowman~ |
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AwkrinJoin Date: 2008-09-08
Post Count: 19058 |
"2) Discipline them (part of loving)"
At a certain age you need to realize that they are going to do what they want to do. There is little to no need to punish them for being there own person. See ages 17 up for reference.
During the teenage years children realize that the punishment that they get it pointless. "I am grounded? What is stopping me from just leaving and going out with my friends." |
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AwkrinJoin Date: 2008-09-08
Post Count: 19058 |
"Because believe it or not, they actually know what's better for you than you do."
Believe it or not, it is better to find out own your own what works for you and what doesn't.
Have you ever played checkers? You learn what moves you should make and what moves you shouldn't. Pain and losing is the best teachers. Don't go saying parents been there and done that, the truth of the matter is they haven't done everything. Children today have to deal with things that their parents have never had to deal with. They don't know everything. They don't know what is going to work for you and what isn't. You are your own entity.
Parents that care too much fail to realize that this is true. That they don't know everything, they never say, "gee son, I don't know. Find out yourself, when I was your age we didn't have to worry about crazies, we didn't have to worry about terrorism, we didn't have all of these problems that you are facing.". |
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MrPhelpsJoin Date: 2010-02-27
Post Count: 27982 |
"At a certain age you need to realize that they are going to do what they want to do. There is little to no need to punish them for being there own person. See ages 17 up for reference."
Discipline is distinctly different from punishment.
"Have you ever played checkers? You learn what moves you should make and what moves you shouldn't. Pain and losing is the best teachers."
The best way to learn to win at a game like checkers or chess is to copy the moves of players who have been doing it longer than you and know the game better. Then you can start to make your own moves once you understand.
"Don't go saying parents been there and done that, the truth of the matter is they haven't done everything."
But they have. Everything you're going to experience is something your parents have dealt with in one form or another.
'That they don't know everything, they never say, "gee son, I don't know. Find out yourself, when I was your age we didn't have to worry about crazies, we didn't have to worry about terrorism, we didn't have all of these problems that you are facing."'
They don't say that because it isn't true. They did have to worry about that stuff. Terrorism has been a threat for a long, long time, and there are always going to be crazies.
~The OT Snowman~ |
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AwkrinJoin Date: 2008-09-08
Post Count: 19058 |
"The best way to learn to win at a game like checkers or chess is to copy the moves of players who have been doing it longer than you and know the game better. Then you can start to make your own moves once you understand."
Touché.
But new moves are made each day by new players. The game might not have changed, but new rules and strategies are made each day to one up the old ways.
Time's a changing, in with the new out with the old.
"ut they have. Everything you're going to experience is something your parents have dealt with in one form or another."
My parents have never been in a "behavior 'learning center". My parents never had to find their best friend's body after he took his own life. My parents have never said I have no idea what you are going through to me. THE FACT of the matter is they DON'T know everything.
"They don't say that because it isn't true."
Yes it is. Teens today are faced with problems that mirror stuff that our parents have never gone through in their life times. If our parents' lived in the time period were the other generation mucked up the program for generations to come, maybe.
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MrPhelpsJoin Date: 2010-02-27
Post Count: 27982 |
Well, maybe I'm speaking from the perspective of my parents, because they've seen a lot of the bad stuff you mentioned. And while true that they don't know everything, they know a heck of a lot more than I do, and your parents know much more than you.
"Yes it is. Teens today are faced with problems that mirror stuff that our parents have never gone through in their life times"
Such as....
~The OT Snowman~ |
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AwkrinJoin Date: 2008-09-08
Post Count: 19058 |
"Such as...."
Global warming, debt ceiling, radical terrorism, LGBTQ+ political correctness(with it being in your face), ganja legalization contradiction debuckle,....et certa.
Radical terrorism has always been a thing, however it has never been as large scale as it is today.
"And while true that they don't know everything, they know a heck of a lot more than I do, and your parents know much more than you."
They don't know what I am going through. They cannot even retaliate to it.
The only person that knows me best is ME.
What happened to us define who we are, and how we react to different situations.
Children aren't a carbon copy of our parents. |
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MrPhelpsJoin Date: 2010-02-27
Post Count: 27982 |
"Global warming, debt ceiling, radical terrorism, LGBTQ+ political correctness(with it being in your face), ganja legalization contradiction debuckle,....et certa."
Those have all been around for a long time. They're just becoming more prominent now.
"They don't know what I am going through. They cannot even retaliate to it."
Oh, I don't know. I think they know more than you think they do. However, if you don't feel you can talk to them about whatever is bothering you, go find a friend or another adult that you think can help you.
"What happened to us define who we are, and how we react to different situations."
I like to think that I can define myself without being bended by certain circumstances.
"Children aren't a carbon copy of our parents."
Very true, but that doesn't mean you can't learn from them or should ignore them, even at our age.
~The OT Snowman~ |
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bonkeddJoin Date: 2013-03-07
Post Count: 5711 |
His parents probably wouldn't have shunned him if they dealt with not believing in God.
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