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Lucy was an average girl in the state of New York. She was always around the city hanging out, doing what she loved; photography. She absolutely adored photography. She was always outside taking pictures of whatever she found interesting, which was usually pictures of the trees blowing in the wind or people walking along the sidewalk.
Lucy had long black that almost went all the way down her back. She usually wore it in a ponytail, and wore a scarf around her neck to keep her warm in the cold state she lived in. She was always seen wearing her camera around her neck, which made people aware of her love of photography. She had brown eyes, and wore glasses. She didn't actually have bad eyesight, but she considered herself to be a hipster, and wanted to look like one.
One afternoon, Lucy was sitting outside a café with her camera, looking for things to take a picture of. She looked and looked, but nothing seemed to catch her eye that day. But then, after a couple minutes, she noticed a couple standing by a building staring at each other lovingly. Lucy really wanted to take a picture of them, so she held up her camera to her eye and snapped the photo. She checked the photo on her camera to see if it looked alright, but then she noticed that they both didn't appear in the picture. |
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See? She did good this time.
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Lucy had long black that almost went all the way down her back.'
she made a mistake here, but people make mistakes.
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shes actually using capital letters
man
thats interesting
http://www.roblox.com/amethyst-item?id=290044637 ~its hard being purple~ |
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I told you I was teaching her.
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tardy i gotta admit your siggy is starting to make me really uncomfortable
reminds me of those redditors saying really popular opinions like "UMM PC GAMING IS SUPERIOR TO CONSOLE GAMING AND THOSE CONSOLES GAMERS ARE JUST PEASANTS XDDDD THE EXBONE SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!" and like "IM GONNA GET SO DOWNVOTED!!!!!!!!!!" and i dont like that feeling of seeing that constantly
http://www.roblox.com/amethyst-item?id=290044637 ~its hard being purple~ |
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Mistonia wasn't shart. You're still mad about the game rper flaming incident, probably.
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Anyways, like the story, and the cliffhanger.
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oh yeah you wrote mistonia i thought that was robloxfan
k but that's your only RP that i've seen so far, outside of that all you post is horrible, cliche interest checks and very bad things
[ http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=172427922 ] |
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Part 2:
"Huh." Lucy said, puzzled.
Lucy held up her camera again to try to take another picture. She snapped the picture and went to look at it again, but they still didn't appear. "What is going on with this thing?" Lucy asked herself.
Suddenly, in a flash, the couple were already inside the cafe. The door is on the other side of the building. How could that happen? Lucy decided to take a look for herself. She went on the other side of the building and went through the door. The couple was not there. "Have any of you seen an old couple, probably in their 30s, inside here?" Lucy asked a few boys at a table.
"No." One boy replied. "Did you?"
Lucy didn't respond. She walked over to the door of the storage room, which she thought the couple might have seen her following them and hid in there. Lucy went in there and didn't see anything. Then, out of nowhere, a box launched at her from one of the shelves. She looked at the now empty area on the shelf where the box once was. "Who's there?" Lucy yelled.
"Stop following us." A voice whispered back, startling Lucy. "You don't know what you're messing with."
Lucy screamed. She wasn't sure if someone was just messing with her or if the couple were just... ghosts? Suddenly, someone came running inside the storage room. It was an employee. "What's with all the screaming in here?" he asked. "What are you doing in here? Employees only."
"Sorry." Lucy said. "I was just checking it out in here, and then I saw a spider. I'm just going to go now."
The employee held the storage room door open for Lucy as she hurried out of the cafe. Lucy started walking home. After a few steps, she turned around and held up her camera and snapped a picture of the cafe. She wanted to go there again to see if the couple will be there. Lucy continued walking home after she was done snapping the picture. When she got home, she ignored her parents asking where she had been from the kitchen, and rushed inside of her room. She went on her camera and stared at the pictures she took that day, still confused. |
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bump
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that was my 300th post yay |
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b
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It's decent. I recommend more show, not tell.
"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass."
-Anton Chekhov
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qeq
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AbsxlveJoin Date: 2012-06-21
Post Count: 8259 |
SWEET MOTHER TERESA ON A MERCEDES BENZ,
SHE IS IMPROVING,
HARMONISE WITH ME,
AUUUEUUGHHEUUEOOOOOEUEEUUGHHAHHHWUUEUHH!
I TOLD YOU SHE'D IMPROVE BUT NONE OF YOU WOULD LISTEN,
except for Smarth, she's smart,
BUT DO YOU SEE THIS IMPROVEMENT,
IT'S AN INTELLECT NEWBAG,
THEY'RE RARE.
The only thing that is missing from your stories are punctuation marks, Pink, such as the exclamation mark (!) and question mark (?). |
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Pink just needed help. Now she is a good writer.
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SquiresYTJoin Date: 2010-11-20
Post Count: 2885 |
Pink, this story reaches heights of improvement unknown to man. The amount your skills increased in such a short time is greater then that of how fast a dog grows in just a few months. This story has me on the edge of my seat begging for more as it is so well written, and unusual, unique, and original. The absolute improvement from the love story is so much. I have one response: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAryFIuRxmQ
You have not surrounded me, you merely placed me in a target-rich environment. |
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xbikemanJoin Date: 2011-12-24
Post Count: 2367 |
I.. I.. I have to do this.
*hugs pink* You've improved so much *sends fr* |
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thanks for all your support everyone :)
babyrihno (this is a response to what you said on true love too), i forgive everything that you said and i'm sorry for what i said as well and i'm happy that you like my story
idk if i'm going to continue it though because i only wrote it to try to get better but if you guys want me to ill continue |
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