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"burns"
please bury yourself alive
"I did not get my SpaghettiOs, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this." |
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dude if you dont want to do the roleplay just get out and leave space for the people who do
anyway bye bye |
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hah
i'm not going to leave
this is so stupid donald trump looks smart in comparison
"I did not get my SpaghettiOs, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this." |
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1. The premise is confusing. Didn't the guy shut the flow of mana? How are you still able to use it?
2. Don't decide people's backstory for them, as a matter of fact, just tell the current situation and leave it at that. Some people would like to play a teacher or perhaps a character that already has some prowess in magic.
3. Grammar, there are a couple grammar mistakes. A second edit with probably fix it, but I could still read it.
Overall 4/10
The first two issues really dragged it down, but it still has potential.
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my eyes are bleeding
and my home is leaving
but it's not home
ohhh
ohhh
take me back
gimme back my will
"I did not get my SpaghettiOs, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this." |
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kitrainJoin Date: 2013-08-10
Post Count: 3353 |
There was still mana in the world after the seal. Plus, theres even a crystal emitting it.
This was made in a day by two people, I actually expected this. |
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kitrainJoin Date: 2013-08-10
Post Count: 3353 |
And, there will be much buildup on the teacher's pasts, I don't want somebody rping as them and hating them after I get them to explain there backstory |
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What I'm telling you is don't limit people's choices on how to make a character in a rp like this or at least, don't decide their backstory if you're going to decide what role they have to play. |
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kitrainJoin Date: 2013-08-10
Post Count: 3353 |
To be honest, I didn't limit that much. The only restrictions is that your parents have to have held you back from revealing magic, and that is about all. |
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"Your parents, of course, weren't thrilled to learn that their child was a target for the goverment's anti-magic campaign, and brought you up with horrible stories of what would happen if you were to ever let anyone know of your powers. So you were careful. You left magic unexplored, and only used it when you were alone, and only little at that. One day, when you got back from school and went to your room, you found a note on your bed. Unpacking your backpack, you saw it was sealed by red wax, with a symbol that resembled two wings sprouting out of a halved circle with another smaller one inside. Fascinated, you gently placed your hand on it, and proceeded to slowly reveal the message insdie. The first thing you saw was a bag of coins, each with the width and length of one inch, with the seal's mark engraved on it"
Let me tell you how many paths this limits.
1. Having only one or no parents.
2. Having abusive parents.
3. Having parents that sold you out.
4. Having magician(s) as parents.
5. Being found out and running away from government.
6. Running away from home.
7. Never have gone to school.
8. Having an irregular childhood. |
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kitrainJoin Date: 2013-08-10
Post Count: 3353 |
1.It says parents
2. They aren't abusive, its just stories about what would happen. Ever had a parent that would tell you what could happen if you did something bad?
3. Parents didn't sell you out, if they did, you would be dead
4. I remember having a sentence that explains that your parents had no trace of magic
5. you were never found out, the message was from Kavag the headmaster of the school
6. You felt like you were never socially accepted, being with your own kind made you felt better
7. "When you got back from school and went to your room, you found a note on your bed"
8. The only irregular parts are the stories and being magic. nothing else, really |
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That's the thing, thanks to that, all those things can't happen. It's not up to you to decide if it can or can not happen to them in the past. It's up to the players to decide that and how did that worked, as a creator of a RP you have to understand; a character is the player's piece of this world you make. That's why you should let them get creative and instead of limiting a players creation opinions on their characters. It should be your job as the creator of the RP to integrate the characters in to the world, unless it directly counteracts it. |
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kitrainJoin Date: 2013-08-10
Post Count: 3353 |
Ill rework this
THIS IS NOW DEAD |
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Arg, I was planning on proofreading this once I got home. I blame my schedule for the plot and grammatical errors.
Also, I'm not trying to pick a fight here, but I'd like to explain the reason for the rather rigid backstory. It's a personal pet peeve of mine when characters have 'an irregular childhood'. Yes, I'm a hypocrite, I've done that plenty of times myself. But lately, most of the CS's around here (again, I'm saying this is the least accusatory way possible) either have a forgotten childhood or a blank space where there should be a bio. This way, people don't have to write one if they don't want to.
The other CS's tend to have some tragic event that makes the character stand out, but I never see anyone's character being affected by said event. Before you start throwing examples at my face, I am new around here, and haven't read every roleplay in recorded history, so it's likely people have made a tragic event a perfectly logical part of the backstory and I just haven't seen it. Levian, sorry to single you out, but your entire list is negative events that I see way too often. This story isn't about every single magic-user out there. Only the ones in a certain criteria. Not everyone likes those kinds of roleplays, but this one happens to be one of them. |
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I'm not supporting or disapproving them, what I am saying is character creation should less rigid and allow many types of backstories. The characters are the product of player's imagination, as such it should be completely up to them to make the characters the way they want it.
And yes really good rpers can integrate the backstories of other characters in to the main plot.
For example: someone's character can be out for vengeance, the main villain can be the one that the character wants vengeance on.
It's a cool trick. |
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kitrainJoin Date: 2013-08-10
Post Count: 3353 |
But then it makes it a cliche, and ends up making him a guy who "let me kill him, because of vengeance and stuff. Plus, it makes it look like he is superior to others, because he can defeat villain, etc
I basicly voided all of that when I made a rift full of monsters instead of a main enemy opening it. And if you try and think of the Mage who opened it, he is already dead, so yeah. |
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That's an example, you can do it differently. |
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can someone please explain what is going on with this roleplay
because i was really looking forward to signing up and doing it, i just had to go somewhere
so whats going on with it?? |
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I gave a critique and then it turned into a lecture. |
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oh
well you know
roblox forums in a nutshell |
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No, it's not. In the RPF it's make a mistake, they burn you at stake. |
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i did it
now what's next i need to destroy
"I did not get my SpaghettiOs, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this." |
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destroy?
but i still want to rp this |
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what are you doing here
i killed this
i killed this beast
go home
go
"I did not get my SpaghettiOs, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this." |
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