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Hello there, I'm Kye Ledwtenn, Born and raised on Tatooine, My father and my Mother gave birth to me 25 Years After Order 66, My father was a Jedi Master and my Mother was Well..., An ordinary Mother.
3 months after My 6th Birthday, a guy wearing a hood attacked my Family, With a Double Bladed Lightsaber, Yes i know what it is, Remember my dad Was a Jedi master, The man in the hood said "Come to the dark side Young one" i said No, When i said that he got angry and was just about to slice me. Going through the motion of slicing, a green Lightsaber stopped it, And the guy with the green lightsaber yelled "Go to the ship!" So i run and run to the ship and these people are smiling at me and they say "Welcome, We have chose you to train for the Jedi Order" as we are leaving i see the guy with the green lightsaber get stabed through the stomach.
In my mind i say "Why did these strangers want me to train for the Jedi Order?"
And there is my story. |
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short but very good at grammar(unlike mine xD plz like if u cri every tim ;-;) |
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lolno this is bad grammar |
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well i siad unlike mine but okie .3. |
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xenoman90Join Date: 2011-07-25
Post Count: 1949 |
This was an incredibly bad lore.
I mean...
Very...very.....bad. |
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PruzJoin Date: 2009-11-11
Post Count: 31781 |
My lore is better. |
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xenoman90Join Date: 2011-07-25
Post Count: 1949 |
no...
mine is....
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tox1c999Join Date: 2012-09-14
Post Count: 2535 |
That was pretty awful.
Your parents got killed and you're just run onto the ship, wth
Or your parents don't get killed, and you STILL run onto the ship.
And the sith, lol why would he want to kill you right after offering the dark side, obviously he thinks your better off on the dark side than dead
And some guy sacrificed himself to save your sorry ass, better do something good m8 coz you owe him lol
and all of this happens when your friking 6 years old
6 years old
yeah, let's run to a ship with strangers i've never met before instead of staying with my parents who i've known my entire life
very realistic story |
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Quasar99Join Date: 2009-11-21
Post Count: 9328 |
"Hello there, I'm Kye Ledwtenn,"
what kind of name even is this? i guess it makes a little sense, since most actual star wars names are stupid. "Kylo Ren"? "Qui-gon Jinn"? the only names in the series that make sense are luke skywalker and anakin skywalker. also, how are you supposed to pronounce 'ledwtenn'? ill just go with 'le dwuh ten'
"Born and raised on Tatooine, My father and my Mother gave birth to me 25 Years After Order 66, My father was a Jedi Master and my Mother was Well..., An ordinary Mother."
not much to say here, except that you need to work on capitalization. 'mother' isnt a proper noun, and words aren't supposed to have capital letters after commas. also, the ellipses really shouldn't be there.
3 months after My 6th Birthday, a guy wearing a hood attacked my Family, With a Double Bladed Lightsaber, Yes i know what it is, Remember my dad Was a Jedi master, The man in the hood said "Come to the dark side Young one" i said No, When i said that he got angry and was just about to slice me.
this doesn't make any sense. it just sounds like mr. ledwuhtenn or whatever is just a mary sue. also, jedis don't normally use double-bladed lightsabers. why would that guy even ask a 6 year old? 6 year olds don't have any skills except some basic potty training. i'd also like to remind you that when vader asked luke to come to the dark side, he never tried to kill him. why would you kill someone you're trying to recruit?
"Going through the motion of slicing, a green Lightsaber stopped it, And the guy with the green lightsaber yelled "Go to the ship!" So i run and run to the ship and these people are smiling at me and they say "Welcome, We have chose you to train for the Jedi Order" as we are leaving i see the guy with the green lightsaber get stabed through the stomach."
why did they select a 6 year old to become a jedi? and how did mr. green lightsaber get there so fast to protect you? why was there a ship? did they know that mr. double lightsaber would try and kill you? none of this makes sense, and that's not even mentioning the grammar errors.
In my mind i say "Why did these strangers want me to train for the Jedi Order?"
looks like mr. ledwuhtenn has the right idea. also don't say "in my mind i say", say "i thought". makes a lot more sense
And there is my story. |
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"what kind of name even is this? i guess it makes a little sense, since most actual star wars names are stupid. "Kylo Ren"? "Qui-gon Jinn"? the only names in the series that make sense are luke skywalker and anakin skywalker. also, how are you supposed to pronounce 'ledwtenn'? ill just go with 'le dwuh ten'"
Wierd names are good names. Would you rather "John" or "Bob"?
"not much to say here, except that you need to work on capitalization. 'mother' isnt a proper noun, and words aren't supposed to have capital letters after commas. also, the ellipses really shouldn't be there."
Eh, your right there.
"this doesn't make any sense. it just sounds like mr. ledwuhtenn or whatever is just a mary sue. also, jedis don't normally use double-bladed lightsabers. why would that guy even ask a 6 year old? 6 year olds don't have any skills except some basic potty training. i'd also like to remind you that when vader asked luke to come to the dark side, he never tried to kill him. why would you kill someone you're trying to recruit?"
Every Jedi is a Mary sue. And he is a boy, it would be Gary Sue. And he said the Sith used the double saber. And 6 years old is the perfect time to train a Jedi Knight. When Anakin was introduced to Yoda, Yoda immediately said "No, to young, he is." again, 6 years old is perfect. And your right on that last part.
"why did they select a 6 year old to become a jedi? and how did mr. green lightsaber get there so fast to protect you? why was there a ship? did they know that mr. double lightsaber would try and kill you? none of this makes sense, and that's not even mentioning the grammar errors."
Again, 6 years old is perfect. And probably because he is a jedi? Maybe he started to run towards the house before the Sith even got in there. You don't know. And there is a ship because they needed some way to get to Tatooine. "did they know that mr. double lightsaber would try and kill you?" Possibly, They could have sensed a distrubtion in the force on Tatooine. You never know.
Just that last one, just, no. 2 mucht sinse 4 emme.
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tox1c999Join Date: 2012-09-14
Post Count: 2535 |
yeah but a frikin 6 year old doesn't know wtf a jedi is, nor would he think why these strangers want him in the jedi order, nor would he leave his parents like that, nor would he immediately take orders from strangers, also, if he said he's to young to train, that goes against your point... |
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this 6 year old has a father for a Jedi. He would know what one is. And both of his parents were killed by the sith. And the sranger just saved him, and he has no where else to go. And anakin was around 9 at the time he was introduced to yoda, this kid is 6. |
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tox1c999Join Date: 2012-09-14
Post Count: 2535 |
yeah anakin was 9 and HE was still to young
are you thick?
also, a 6 year old still thinks:
parents > random strangers |
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oh, forgive me. Yoda says to old. But still, he did say he was the last one of his family alive. His parents were dead, can you not read? |
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Man, why all the hating like its my first time doing a lore i knew i would be bad because i'm bad at writing ;c |
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