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At least once a week I end up "accidentally" insulting someone I may or may not know on, and offline. I cannot seem to say anything right, even after thinking if I worded it carefully enough in the minutes prior or as I am typing it up. Also waiting about 10 minutes before sending a message to someone, thinking of what they can reply back (this is also why my messages are so long). Most of the insults are on a personal level, as it is usually what I comment on. As a result of this I have very few friends. None at my current school that I see daily, and only 2 I can talk to regularly online. However I am worried this may change as a result of my actions some time soon, unless I can change.
It does not stop there, I have trouble explaining why I insulted them. Most of the time I cannot because I did not intend my comment to be an insult, or someone took my comment too far and twisted words/intentions. I usually make things worse by trying to explain what I said.
After the chat is done, and I am told that I wasn't helping or that what I said was rude/mean. I get very disappointed, feel tired, and decide to lay down to sleep. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, I will sleep for about 3 hours thinking about what I did and try imagine them face-to-face. When I wake up there is usually massive heartache inside me, and get the HUGE urge to apologize for my words. Even though I usually have apologized the previous week for what I did, I try to sneak it in the next day in a way they will have to accept it. But that may fail at some point, and I have a hard time starting up chats to begin with. It will only get harder to talk to someone after an insult, which does not help getting the message out, as they know I usually am an attention seeker.
With all of this together everyone I consider a friend is starting to lose trust in me, and chances of me being closer to them grows lesser and lesser. So I am seeking advice on how I can be a better person. I know most of you may not be able to tell me what I am doing wrong, or how I can solve all my problems. But I do know this may get the word out to those I have talked to, and maybe they will understand me better.
tl;dr tell me how not to unintentionally insult my friends
(Please don't let this thread die, I've been typing since 9 PM)
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CrasheeJoin Date: 2014-10-04
Post Count: 1976 |
In my book, insulting creates friendships. |
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YungSmokeJoin Date: 2013-09-08
Post Count: 10933 |
In-Salt. |
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@In my book, insulting creates friendships.
Being someone's enemy will do that too.
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Try thinking about what your saying. Practice being a little more sensitive
This isn't 2007 |
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Wait... I may have overdone this.
No one is going to read an accidental wall of text on OT about my life problems.
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GinjjiJoin Date: 2011-06-19
Post Count: 7677 |
I know how you feel. When I'm being honest, people call me rude, even though all I said was that they sneeze really loud and it makes me flinch.
You know they could just stop yelling at the top of their lungs when they sneeze and just make a sneezing sound instead, right?
The power of OT compels you! |
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i got to "on, and offline" before having an aneurysm cuz of the hypocrisy of ur thread |
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lol i feel u op
one time i called my friend short and she made this face at me but didnt say anything to me but I swear she hates me deep inside
just apologize if u insult accidentally |
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qerfectJoin Date: 2010-10-30
Post Count: 6923 |
Build a better impulse control. I'm not sure how that's done because I'm in a situation close to this too and I have bad impulse issues, try Googling how to control yourself and try to think thoroughly before you talk. Peoples minds work in different ways so you may need to try out a few ways to help impulse control. If you ever do manage to keep the 'insults' going try to think of a well thought out apology reasoning why you have trouble with this and if they are good friends they should understand and try to help you with this.
You could also try asking your friends at what point they actually feel offended by these insults and work on holding back the ones that hurt the most. Tiny amounts of progress is still progress, my friend.
I have no idea if that helped or not. |
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@Try thinking about what your saying. Practice being a little more sensitive
Before I say something about someone I think about what I would say if someone told me exactly the same thing. However my thoughts do not go as deep as some of the people I know and they can take it a step or two farther.
I am emotionally sensitive when I have wronged someone.
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anaka9Join Date: 2010-04-23
Post Count: 16739 |
same with me
most people on ROBLOX won't remember what happened, wink wink Monsterkrush
quick as sand |
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I know this girl (http://forum.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=180359417) hates me because she did this(qoute from forum link ranting about her)
"I am very appearance concious, and always dresses up for school and usually dresses up whenever going out, and put more effort into my appearance than general. Now that you know this, I once asked her that if I came to summer school in sweat pants and tshirts and she did the same(she ALWAYS dresses in sweat pants and tshirt so I really didn't see this as a problem to ask) so we could exercise after the lessons(we are both fat). What she did was come in a nice outfit and then bragged out how perfect it was and how long it took her to put together such a perfect out fit/etc. While she was doing that she was contantly looking at me. Towards the end of the day, she started asking me if "I was mad at her" and trying to be "nice" when she realized other people were noticing how annoyed I was with her"
She was giving me these "looks" when she was looking at me
I have no idea what I did to her. She still hangs around me and its infuriating because whenever I try to break away from her she clutches on with much more strength.
Atleast you know what you do to other people to make them upset.
This isn't 2007 |
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GinjjiJoin Date: 2011-06-19
Post Count: 7677 |
And during times whenever I feel that I don't want to hurt their feelings, and think carefully, my social anxiety shows, and as a result, the conversation ends, because I scrap what I'm going to say like 5 times, and they walk away confused.
I guess in that case, it is better to not think before you act sometimes. Know what I mean?
The power of OT compels you! |
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@I guess in that case, it is better to not think before you act sometimes. Know what I mean?
I have some anxiety the first few times chatting with someone, but then I get used to it and it doesn't bother me anymore. So I have the same problem as you, minus the anxiety.
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"And during times whenever I feel that I don't want to hurt their feelings, and think carefully, my social anxiety shows, and as a result, the conversation ends, because I scrap what I'm going to say like 5 times, and they walk away confused."
I use to be the weird girl who said weird things. I don;t know about someone with social anxiety, but I am practicing at being more outgoing and being more friendly. Its working so far. Im more of an introvert though'
This isn't 2007 |
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SlydexiaJoin Date: 2010-08-10
Post Count: 98517 |
nearly everything i say is an insult to people and i don't give a single crap who i offend |
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@I use to be the weird girl who said weird things.
I'm a guy who still says weird things and hasn't improved due to growing up isolated and homeschooled.
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Thank you OT for actually caring this time, I will try to improve myself yet again.
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Bump so the late-night OTers can have at it.
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GinjjiJoin Date: 2011-06-19
Post Count: 7677 |
I said some mean things to my mother,
And I couldn't forgive myself.
The power of OT compels you! |
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@I said some mean things to my mother,
And I couldn't forgive myself.
Alright? But why did you bump this thread 2 days later?
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GinjjiJoin Date: 2011-06-19
Post Count: 7677 |
because I remembered how relevant it was, and I like to bump threads sometimes.
sorry
The power of OT compels you! |
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@sorry
It's alright. Now that I Think of it this thread may gather more attention.
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hmmm, I remember I used to say things that were hurtful. I felt really bad afterwards. I do not remember how I stopped. But there is some information I would like to know. What triggers these insults?
as you read this siggy, I am stealing your wallet |
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