I know this is the wrong place to ask, but you guys have always been my first line of defence. I've been in recovery from anorexia since November, but in between that time my weight has wobbled between 46 and 50kg, and now it's back to what it was when everything started.
My only real motivation is the people who care about me, they want to see me gain weight and they'll suffer until I do, it's really the only thing that keeps me going, because the other part of me doesn't want it.
The part of me that wants health isn't there, it doesn't shock me to hear that my blood pressure is too low, or that my heart is struggling. If I can finish a meal without worming my way out of calories or leave the bathroom without sneaking in exercise then it feels like a sin.
I'm lucky that my family are there, and that the support team are strict enough to drown out that part of me, but a lot of the time it doesn't work. I'm at risk of going back into hospital by next week, what normally helps you guys stay positive and keep distracted? |