Overseer Speech - Roblox Forum Archive

Join Date: 2014-01-25
Post Count: 22

#185632739Saturday, March 19, 2016 11:39 AM GMT

Hello fellow Americans. I am Davidiscrazier. I am running for Overseer Head of Elections. I would hope to do great things if I won. I am a very strong,loyal,helpful and kind person. I was actually a recent FBI D and DD,CIA D and DD,DOJ, and VCJCS. I would really appreciate if you would vote for me as Overseer. I would make great changes to the USA that would help people and the country. Not only will I be active I will not abuse my power because the thought of abusing power hurts me so I would like to stop it. If I were Overseer I would do a lot as such as Stopping murders and would keep USA up and running. Say Las Vegas was your favorite game,But know one comes to startups. I would fix that by posting on the group shout the startup and LV. So take a natural and talented person to be you great Overseer."lets make America great again!" Davidiscrazier

Project9A

Join Date: 2015-06-11
Post Count: 23

#185704464Sunday, March 20, 2016 12:55 PM GMT

It's a good speech, but a few things wrong. You need to be more Direct with your points and give examples. Not just "The thought hurts me" and having background in Military or combat isn't really useful for the voters, because the job of the Overseer is to control admin and stop abusers. With this you also need to give 3 points with a few examples. Also you have a few grammar errors and misspelling. You have a noticeable one when it says "But know one one comes to the start up" use No instead of Know. After that you just need to reconstruct you speech and make it more towards the Stopping Admin Abuser and exploiters instead of the whole combat background that we don't really need. Also, from one Overseer candidate to another, Good luck.

Project9A

Join Date: 2015-06-11
Post Count: 23

#185704487Sunday, March 20, 2016 12:56 PM GMT

Also don't copy a quote from trump, that is very controversial and some people may not vote for you just because of that use the quote from your wall post.