o0Xarek0oJoin Date: 2013-02-09
Post Count: 1957 |
/WZfxJJDx
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o0Xarek0oJoin Date: 2013-02-09
Post Count: 1957 |
The goal of the essay is to portray the struggles I lived through early on in life and showcase how I have excelled over the last 5 years of moving to where I am now. |
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zman250Join Date: 2011-01-20
Post Count: 18410 |
i rlly want to help u but am too lazy
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whomst'd've of which are very close to my age
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o0Xarek0oJoin Date: 2013-02-09
Post Count: 1957 |
wasn't expecting help just feedback/pointers
i'm not the greatest essay writer and my 3 english teachers I had throughout freshman year to present weren't helpful at all in terms of building my essay writing skills |
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o0Xarek0oJoin Date: 2013-02-09
Post Count: 1957 |
bumpity |
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You think I want to read any of that? I didn't even write my own college essay. I just hooked myself up on a transfer program lol. No way was I going through all that garbage. |
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I'm typing and reading that on my phone so excuse any grammar errors.
Before I give an opinion, I'd like to know what college (or type of college) you are applying for and what exactly are they asking you to write about in this essay. Is it one just asking you to describe your life? Or one about hardships you've faced? Once we clear this up I'll have a better idea (although I already have some feedback on the style of your writing; but I think it's better to take into context the background of this essay before I say any more) |
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o0Xarek0oJoin Date: 2013-02-09
Post Count: 1957 |
To answer your first question, I do not know the prompt of the essay. My college counselor had me begin writing a draft for the college essay in response to what motivated me to become a successful student, and so on so forth.
The types of colleges I am primarily applying to are that of state schools which are all apart of the west coast with perhaps 1-2 or 3 UC colleges. |
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DalmatiJoin Date: 2015-11-21
Post Count: 1862 |
dude uc apps are over what are u talking about |
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o0Xarek0oJoin Date: 2013-02-09
Post Count: 1957 |
I will quote her exactly:
"If you can begin to create an essay that includes pertinent information that would help a college learn more about you. (Motivation to be a successful student? Any circumstances which may have influences your academic record? What will you add to the student body?) |
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o0Xarek0oJoin Date: 2013-02-09
Post Count: 1957 |
I'm a junior in highschool lol
currently on spring break for a week |
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Yes. You and the rest of the LA area spring breakers. |
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DalmatiJoin Date: 2015-11-21
Post Count: 1862 |
dont get your hopes up i applied for fall 2017 and i was rejected to all the ucs with computer science
i had a 4.2 gpa with 2000 sat and tons of extracurricular
its not that the applicants are bad, its just that there are too many good ones(fob indians,fob asians id kill them all if i could)
and it will get worse year by year
be like me and attend community college for two years, save 60k and transfer with a 100% transfer rate to ucs |
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o0Xarek0oJoin Date: 2013-02-09
Post Count: 1957 |
That is always an option too, I must agree.
For me I am more of a 3.5-3.7 GPA student who played baseball and unfortunately got cut both freshman and sophomore year because I was considered a third string outfielder
I also have work experience on my belt with hours of community service. I am not really going for UC's, more state schools as mentioned previously.
I understand UCs are much more difficult to get accepted into, thus why my academic record doesn't fit its requirements. |
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o0Xarek0oJoin Date: 2013-02-09
Post Count: 1957 |
I am in no way looking to attend a good state college either.
It doesn't hurt to enroll in a community college just in case things don't turn out the way it does. However the community college near me is notorious for being a pain in the back for receiving classes. |
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Oh, right. We pretty much live in the same city and state, I forgot.
Now I can see that the prompt's been cleared up. The focus of this essay should be about your struggles and how it has shaped you as a person. Okay.
First off, cut all the "hi, my name is blank" stuff, and avoid including any unnecessary details about your family or background unless they are directly correlated with your story. Colleges are going to know your name anyways and the best way to have them fall asleep or completely ignore your essay is to start off with a plainitive introduction.
Now onto the main body. If you Google seniors that have recently gotten accepted in great schools for their essays (Brit########n####### Cassandra Hsiao are examples), you'll realize that great essay writing for a prompt that asks for an >experience< revolves around the person connecting a truth about life.
The people I just mentioned talk about Costco or Language Barriers, stuff that's part of an everyday routine and all. But read their essays and you'll find that they've managed to come away with those experiences with a sort of life lesson.
My point here is that the body has to be focused on the transition from you finding out you had a brain disorder and pneumonia, to when you started getting good grades. You don't need to spend an extensive amount of time focused on explaining the disorder and whatnot. But you do need to focus on how you got over it, how you were able to persevere.
Although you said you aren't sure why and it just happened out of the blue- well, think harder about it. You'll come away with a valuable life lesson that you can put at the end of your essay, as if you were looking back on your experiences in retrospect and appreciating the worth of perseverance or whatever it is that spurred you to make great grades. Don't just say it was moving to a new school, there has to be some other reason attributed to yourself. Such as taking the opportunity to start over in a new community or something.
Remember- the essay writers want to know about YOU as a person, and you can show them that through explaining an experience that has changed you as a person.
My fingers hurt now , but if you have further questions go ahead and message/ask me.
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o0Xarek0oJoin Date: 2013-02-09
Post Count: 1957 |
I think you kind of got it down lol
thanks, rogue |
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o0Xarek0oJoin Date: 2013-02-09
Post Count: 1957 |
i truly appreciate it, I have some cleaning up to do |
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No problem.
And Dalmati, computer science at UCs is pretty competitive if I'm correct...
But I mean, in about two years I'll also have to apply for colleges and I'm probably the most disadvantaged considering my ethnicity... |
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ParacosmJoin Date: 2012-05-25
Post Count: 29395 |
rogue is a gipsee if anyone was wondering about his ethnicity |
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Alley_CatJoin Date: 2008-09-28
Post Count: 10145 |
Hi, what's a UC? I'm stupid!
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ParacosmJoin Date: 2012-05-25
Post Count: 29395 |
university of cali @alley
theres like 9 of them i think |
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They're expensive as heck though; that's why many prefer to transfer two years into a community college to a UC. |
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