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chapter 1:the begining
"Very nice ally-oop!"said debra
"you too deb-deb"I replied.I'm Ally Gonzallas, and im 9 years old.I bet your wondering what im doing!I'm at my house with debra,my BFF I call deb-deb. There's a Valentines dance tomorrow night and we're trying on dresses,
"ally, how do I look?"
"great abbie-pie!"that was abbie, my other BFF.
"sis,what about me?"
that's my twin sister angelica."OMG THATS MY DRESS!"I yelled
"mom said to share clothes"she replied.
"but you've got your own dress! thats my special hand-made dress from grammy!"
Debra rolled her eyes"abbie,you stay here and try to calm them down.I'm going to check Angelica's closet for a dress."Debra said as she left"but I..I..I KNOW KARATE!!!!"Abbie yelled as she did "the Strike of the Sleeping Cobra" on Angelica and I.
When debra came back she exclaimed"You did the strike of the sleeping cobra AGAIN?That's the 4th time this week!"
please tell me if you like it, if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all. |
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benlydJoin Date: 2009-05-14
Post Count: 8 |
>.> |
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ZaakhyJoin Date: 2008-05-25
Post Count: 4063 |
I am a boy sooo yeah........... |
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do any GIRLS go on this topic???? |
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Bump
Up
Someone's
Thread!!
BUST! |
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Bump
Up
Someone's
Threaded
Economy
Decals |
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LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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well.... YOUR A BOY SO YOUR OPINION DOES NOT MATTR!! |
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Please
Obscure
Suitcase
Topicals |
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MoltJoin Date: 2009-03-24
Post Count: 2329 |
well.... YOUR A BOY SO YOUR OPINION DOES NOT MATTR!!
WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO YA KNOW....just not as emotional....and quick to be emotional....... |
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well, this is a girl story! Made by a girl, for girls! |
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met306Join Date: 2009-01-26
Post Count: 8213 |
[ Content Deleted ] |
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NO BOYS ALOUD!!!!!!!!!(unless you say something NICE!) |
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met306Join Date: 2009-01-26
Post Count: 8213 |
[ Content Deleted ] |
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I thought it was ok. Maybe just revise some parts of it like explaining the characters in the beginning or in parts of the dialogue. Putting them right after a part of dialogue gets kinda confusing and might distract the reader. And to anyone else, when saying something's bad just don't say it's bad. At least put some constructive criticism to help her out.
"GIRLS ONLY!!!" I just noticed that. Well it's too late now. :D |
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veng2Join Date: 2008-12-13
Post Count: 3766 |
I like it....for a girl story. |
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Panda move this story to wear I have mine. In the Role-playing one. |
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Oh and the first chapter is nice. |
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its not a RP therefore-it dont belong there |
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B-U-M-P! WHAT DOES THAT SPELL? BUMP!! WHOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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B-U-M-P! WHAT DOES THAT SPELL? BUMP!! WHOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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N1njaK4tJoin Date: 2009-01-22
Post Count: 216 |
It's ok, but I can't see straight cause of fever. *drinks 6th water bottle today*
x_x |
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