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http://www.roblox.com/Forum/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=51703396&PageIndex=109
This is what I made when I was ten years old.
It's not very good.
However, it has stuck to me for a very long time. The characters I made, all of them have life, meaning, and a goal.
None of these were reached.
That is why I finish now.
This will take place after the (Sucessful) Seige of the capital of Robloxia (I just realized I never gave it a good name.), after the dark one is revealed to be Telamon, who has just killed his brother, Builerman and revealed his unstable mind.
Quite frankly, he's total batguana insane.
This will likely only be about 5 chapters, each chapter having no less than 3 parts. To understand some things about the characters, read the original story. Do note that that story is very Cliche and has multiple plotholes.
Basic characters
The Boy (Originally named Phillip, however I am going to call him 'The Hero' because it reminds me of the amazing work 'The Time Traveler' and naming the main character after yourself is terrible. Likely related to Athena. Youngest character.)
Simony Garol (One of the most important supporting characters.)
Athena Antimony (R0mantic interest of Simony. Healing mage. Likely related to royalty.)
Koopa Castor (Archer for the Royal Robloxian Guard. Noble man who has nearly died to defend justice multiple times, but happens to survive due to utterly dumb luck.)
Gwebster Red (Military leader for original Robloxian army. Has a deep-rooted fear of heights. Usually is not very serious, because he attempts to forget his drill-sergant father.)
'Boomer' (Fake name taken on. Boomer died after the blade of revenge, Darkheart, turned his blood into coal. Revealed to be father of Simony after death.)
'Music' (Fake name, like boomer. Current leader of Assassain group Bloxxing Stance.)
Obi Oltook (Mountain Clan tribe healer. Obi will likely take on a supporting role.)
Areo Ekstor (Assassain for the Dark lord, gained the trust of the group and attempted to assassinate 'The Hero' because he was beggining to find him out. Supposedly killed at the collapse of the Etheral Gardens... Right?)
Liam Arston (Barkeep for local tavern at the robloxian capital. Killed after collapsing a Noobling spawning area. Good friends with Koopa.)
Builderman (Brother of Telamon. Eventually found out his evil deeds and attempted to stop him, but was killed before he could. His death likely caused the morale drop that lead to the surrender of the castle.)
VILLIANS
Master Luke of Stick (Commanding knight for Telamon's dark army. Killed by Simony at the battle of Frozen Wasteland.)
Telamon (Commander of the Army of Revenge. Telamon was found to be criminally insane at a young age and he was cheated out of the throne, and now he wants revenge. Killed his brother, Builderman, which drove him to more insanity.)
Troll (Trolls are stupid battle soldiers that can spit fire. Eeyup.)
Noob (The basic footsoldier of the Army of Revenge. Most of them have terrible grammatical skills and don't know how to do much of anything good.)
Noob Lord (Commanding officer for the Army of Revenge. Specially educated soldiers, taught to hate their bretheren so they can strike fear into their hearts. Often very rude.)
This will be begun at Chapter 16, as we ended the original book at 15. |
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This isn't very long because I don't have time on the computer. My father is getting angry at me for spending time on here.
CHAPTER 16
Part 1
The only two things high at the Ex-capital were smoke and the now-crumbling Observatory tower.
Simony took a deep breath, coughing and cursing himself moments after as the dust entered his haggard lungs. Gwebster, still yelling at the guards and attempting to convince them that the man they trusted everything to for their entire careers had caused all of this, finally gave up. It was fairly obvious that the group did not push him to his doom, but the utter thought of the latter was simply unbearable.
Noobish presence had mostly left the castles in the past days, thanks to the work of the royal artillery team and a large amount of dead livestock. However, a few stayed behind to pillage and plunder as they wished.
The entire city was ruined.
It wasn’t at all the fault of the guards. They fought like rabid animals until the news that Builderman had been cast from the tower came, and after that fighting to defend something already dead seemed pointless and they gave up the castle.
The castle was immediately surrendered. Everyone currently defending the castle that was not already dead were taken as prisoners of war, including a large population of the peasantry. Oddly enough, the Noobish command seemed to care less that Telamon was gone and had somehow slipped out.
In an act of shock, the main of the army simply left after most of the armory and food stores were stolen. Why would this army go through all the casualties just to steal weapons? Wasn’t the castle important to them?
Unfortunately, them leaving brought more troubles. The trolls of the army were left behind to kill any remaining rebels, and they brought quite a challenge to the table. Trolls aren’t just something you kill. Most are at least triple the body mass of the average Robloxian, and some of them had the unique ability to spew balls of flame from their mouths. However, 100% of trolls had the unique ability to be utter idiots and terribly gullible.
Also, as the starving remainders of the city found out, they didn’t taste half bad when roasted.
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gwebster2Join Date: 2010-08-29
Post Count: 5671 |
Yeeeeaaaaayyyeeaaahhah.
It was a nice transition though. From discovering the city was under attack as they rode in from boat, to the aftermath.
I assume the group has been imprisoned by the guards. |
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simsf1Join Date: 2009-12-27
Post Count: 10905 |
FINALLY.
Thanks, Phillip. |
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simsf1Join Date: 2009-12-27
Post Count: 10905 |
Sim isn't dead yet, right? |
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jk i know i know
but good luck to you |
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simsf1Join Date: 2009-12-27
Post Count: 10905 |
Thanks, Red. |
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(You're Simony Garol.)
(I gave everyone a more realistic name, and a last name.) |
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Dangit.
I wanted to be in this. |
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simsf1Join Date: 2009-12-27
Post Count: 10905 |
(Phillip, this is why I said this could work. I knew you'd turn it into something amazing.) |
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gwebster2Join Date: 2010-08-29
Post Count: 5671 |
Bump of justice. |
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simsf1Join Date: 2009-12-27
Post Count: 10905 |
Double-bump of double-justice. |
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Started on next part, posting tommorow. |
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gwebster2Join Date: 2010-08-29
Post Count: 5671 |
Okay. |
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simsf1Join Date: 2009-12-27
Post Count: 10905 |
Very well. |
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Haven't been home the entire day.
CHAPTER 16
Part 2
"What the hell do we do, then? Stay here till we starve?" Athena said, slamming her staff on the large map of robloxia. The table shook slightly, but then settled.
Our hero sighed and got under the table, once again aligning the leg that Athena had broken multiple times in her rage. It felt nice to work with his hands. Fighting was something he was terrible at, as explained obviously by his failures to help defend the city.
"Look, honey, We can't just go out and attack him! He has millions of soldiers out there, and what do we have... Like, a thousand or so? Even more importanty, We don't have a single clue WHERE he might have a base!" Sim replied, raising his voice.
Athena looked away, staring at her chair.
Sim walked over to comfort her.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ok? We lost. There isn't too much to do about it. We lost, It's over, It's done. If we might have found out who was behind this, than mayby, just mayby, we could have told people and they might have been prepared. But they wouldn't have listened. Who knows if Telamon would have just had us hung for trying to find him out? We're alive. That's what matters." Sim said, putting a hand on Athena's shoulder. She didn't look at him.
The table shook again as Our Hero smacked his head against the bottom.
"I JUST FIXED THAT!"
Athena wiped away a small tear, flicking it to the side, and looked up. "But we went through so much. Nearly two months of trying to stop this... War. All of that was for nothing?" She said, trying to look Sim in the eyes.
He didn't respond. What was there to say? She was right. He responded with nothing but silence and realization.
Gwebster knocked on the door, three slight raps that brough everyone out of the depression. "Come on in." Simony said. He entered slowly, faking a smile at everyone but wiping it off when he realized no one was accepting it.
"We have about a thousand and a half men. Most of them aren't trained and some of them are already wounded." He said, looking around the room. He stared over at a man sitting in a chair.
"Hey, Koop. Wake up." Gweb said, flicking a coin at him. It landed on his nose. Koopa Castor woke up, flailing his arms and reaching for his sword. "WHOWHATNOGETOFFoh." He said, blushing a bit and calming down. "Thanks for the money, Gwebby." Gweb smiled and replied cheekily, "Not a problem."
"Only fifteen-hundred? That's all? This city had the population of almost a million before the attack!" Sim said, looking at gweb in shock. "Most of that population was peasentry, son. And most of the peaentry evacuated when wall Two came down, or they got slaughtered." He replied, keeping very cool. Sim sputtered out questions, but eventually just gave up and sat down.
"How is music doing on summoning people of the stance?" Sim asked, burying his face in his hands so it sounded horribly muffled. "Music hasn't returned yet. Hell, for all we know, he could've been intercepted on the flight and killed... Or worse."
Our hero got out from under the table, looking around quizically. "Worse? What is worse than killed?" He said, frowning. Silence for a long time.
Koopa propped himself on his elbow and sighed. "You don't know what kind of sick, monsterous things that they do to people who cross them." He said. Our hero slunk back under the table, thinking for a moment. What is worse than death? Really?
"Well then, let's get back to the job at hand. Are we going to try taking the courtyard back today? Last call found only two trolls and about a dozen noobish wanderers. Won't be too hard. Just a few good crossbow shots and we got it."
"But more will come. More will come and take down our walls. If we do build the capitol back up, what's stopping the Noobish army from coming back and destroying all of us?" Athena asked, picking up her staff and floating a few small splinters into the capitol part of the map.
"Well..." Sim said, taking out the splinters and smashing them in his hands. "What if we destroy them first?" |
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So... You made the first one when you were 10? So you're 12 now? |
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gwebster2Join Date: 2010-08-29
Post Count: 5671 |
Another good part.
Your good at this, phillip. |
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What's the @ge that a normal person would quit roblox at? |
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I will be likely quitting, or getting close, upon finishing this.
I would think that a good age is 14, or when you become a Freshman. |
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gwebster2Join Date: 2010-08-29
Post Count: 5671 |
I don't know why.
But this thread needs atleast one post per-day.
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simsf1Join Date: 2009-12-27
Post Count: 10905 |
Remember to choose an heir to the series when you're done, Phillip. |
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CHAPTER 16
Part 3
"Role call revelaed that we have 1,607 soliders. We had about a hundred or so mroe than that, but when you gave that speech that we were moving, apparently it wasn't so inspiring." Gwebster said, marking off a tally. "DAMN IT!" Sim replied, bashing his fists on the table. Our hero took a quick look at the leg, but immediatly decided that it would be less than an hour before his work would be gone.
"Simony, It's not your fault. We just lost a huge battle like that less than a month ago. People don't just recover from something like that. It takes time. I know because..." Gweb started. "...Because you were a military leader. If you're such a leader, why don't YOU command this army? Huh, Gwebby?" Koopa said, flicking a bit of cinder off his hand.
Gweb sighed,and shook his head. "I was the leader of a group of twenty-two people, and I barely got them to listen to me. This is an army of a thousand and a half. Sim, you lead your small town of a hundred to defend the Forest of Trolls for nearly a decade! Think of what you could do with..."
Sim rudely cut him off. "And did that town make it? Huh? I left for a day and when I came back, It was in bloody flames. No one there to tell me how bad I screwed up."
Athena got up out of her chair. "Sim, blaming yourself for something like this won't do a thing for you. I know it was hard, but we need a leader." She said. Sim shook his head. "Well, it ain't me. I'd rather be chopping heads than giving orders to chop heads."
Gweb stared at the ground.
"I'll do it. But really... How am I going to get morale up enough to get this done?" He asked, looking around.
"Well, I can help you with that." A familiar voice, hanging just outside the window, remarked.
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"Thank you, Thank you. Please, settle down." Gwebster said, adjusting his holster and wiping a few beads of sweat from his brow. "Quiet down, Quiet down. Are we ready?" He yelled to Athena. She nodded, charged her staff, and tapped it into the ground, illuminating the dusk.
"I am guessing that you all know... Well... That the members of the Mercenary group Bloxxing Stance have decided to give us 100%..." He started. "NOPE! 99!" A voice in the crowd said. Gwebster stared as a druncen(mispelledonpurpose) man stumbled through the crowd and left the area."
Coughing into his shoulder, Gweb started again. "99% of Bloxxing Stance have volunteered their time and possible their lived to help us stop the menace that has destroyed the capital of Robloxia. Bloxxing stance is a highly trained group of Assassains and Mercenary groups that have lived through countless battles. And trust me, they won't stab you in the back!" He said, giving off a weak laugh at the end.
Silence.
"Well, Gwebby Gwebby, How's about you let me take care of this before that percentage goes down?" Music said, forcefully pushing Gweb off the stage.
"All right, boys. We've fought noobs before, right?" Music started, looking around with coolness and a collective spirit. Murmurs of agreement rose. Music smiled, contemplating his next words, and began again.
"Well, then we know that they are stupid, pointless, cannon fodder of enemies, right?" He said, slightly louder. A few whoops of agreement. "Then we also know, that ALL WE HAVE TO DO to take them out is to get rid of their strongest advantage over us; NOTHING?" He said. A few 'Hell Yea's' rose up.
"Well then. So what, we only have about four-thousand boys now, right? So what, they might have over a million, right? So? Screw all of that! If each and every one of us vows to take out ten of those, then we will destroy their entire army!" He yelled. No response.
"Apparently someone isn't good at math." Our hero whispered to Athena. She muffled a laugh.
"Deuuh.. Anyways, WE can do this!" Music began again. A few cheers. "WE CAN BREAK THEIR ARMY!" He yelled. More cheering. "WE CAN BRING BACK THE RIGHTFUL PLACE THAT ROBLOXIANS HOLD IN OUR LAND, AS THE LEADERS FOREVER!" He screamed. The crowd roared with agreement.
"AND ALL OF THIS WILL BEGIN TON-" Gweb whispered something in his ear. "TOMMOROW NIGHT!" Music yelled.
The army roared with anticipation.
"Now get out there, have a good meal, get some rest, and tommorow we go and BLOXX SOME NOOBS!" He said, making sure his army caught the use of their motto. The army dispersed, ready for the fight tommorow.
"How's about we let him do all the morale speeches from now on." Sim whispered to Gweb. "Eeyup." He responded, nodding slightly. |
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